"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." John 13: 34-35 NLT
Among the implications of Jesus’ commandment to love one another is that we take an interest in our fellow Christians. We do not refuse to speak to them nor do we ignore them. We are friendly to them. We behave in a pleasant and kind way toward them.
When we show a lack of interest in a fellow Christian and displaying no concern or sympathy for them we are acting like the eye and the head in 1 Corinthians 12: 18-21.
But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” 1 Corinthians 12: 18-21 NLT
As the apostle Paul points to our attention in this passage from his first letter to the Corinthians, “God has put each part just where he wants it.” The Christians who form a particular congregation of the faithful have been put by God where he wants them in that particular expression of the Body of Christ.
We are not in a position to judge whether a particular member of that congregation is of no importance or value to us and therefore not worthy of our interest, concern, or sympathy. If they are dearly loved and treasured by God and God has put them where he wants them, we cannot refuse to accept someone because for some reason we do not feel that person is worth having in our life.
We do not have to be bosom buddies with our fellow Christians but loving them like Christ loves us requires showing interest, concern, and sympathy for them and treating them with friendliness, kindness, and respect.
Loving one another involves getting past our personal feelings toward a fellow Christian or our lack of feelings for them. We may not find a particular individual agreeable—pleasant or pleasing. But we love them despite the things that we dislike in them. We do not let our personal feelings toward them or our lack of feelings for them interfere with our relationship with them as a Christian.
It is important to remember that often the reason that we dislike something in a person may have nothing to do with them. It may have to do with us. See “Why It’s Important To Understand That We Hate Others For What We Hate About Ourselves.” The link is https://thoughtcatalog.com/.../why-its-important-to.../.
It is also important to remember that people are not going to know what we dislike in them and do something about it unless we tell them. They may not realize that they are doing something that people may dislike.
I have looked at several articles listing common reasons people dislike someone else and a lot of the reasons that people may dislike a person are things of which that person may not be aware. Some things, while they might bother one person might not bother another. A number of things may be described as well-intentioned: they were things that were meant to have good effects but have bad effects that are not expected.
Some people are quick to find fault with someone else because they prefer to keep other people at a distance. They are uncomfortable with emotional closeness. If someone is too open in sharing personal feelings with them, they will pull away from that person. They are not prepared to show the understanding, affirmation, and demonstration of caring that they feel is expected in the relationship. They may have difficulty expressing their own feelings. They may not be ready to trust that person, lower their guard, and be vulnerable with them. Their rejection of a particular individual may elicit a negative reaction from that individual, which confirms in their minds that they were right in not trusting the individual in question. The problem is that the person may have been more trustworthy than they realized, and they created a situation which would cause the person to act in an untrustworthy fashion and thereby reinforce their distrust of others.
This leads to a second implication of Jesus’ commandment to love one another. Christians need to cut each other some slack! We need to allow our fellow Christians some leeway in their conduct. We need to ease up on them and give them more time or more of a chance. In his teachings Jesus warns his disciples about judging others too severely.
In my own posts I may give the impression that I am criticizing people, expressing disapproval of them. My intention, however, is simply to draw attention to attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors that fit with what Jesus taught and practiced and those which do not. In my thinking I am willing to make allowances for particular individuals, to think about their characteristics and not to judge them too severely. In my posts, however, I need to be clear what fits and what does not fit. A lack of clarity can result in misunderstanding.
A third implication of Jesus’ commandment to love one another is that no one in a particular group of his disciples such as a local church is exempt from obeying this commandment. Everyone is expected to do their best to keep it. Everyone is expected to behave in a pleasant and kind way toward the other members of the group. Communicating this expectation clearly to the group conveys the importance of this commandment to their common life together. Jesus said that his disciples would be known by their love for one another. He also said that those who loved him would show their love by obeying his commandments. Whoever obeyed his teachings were his disciples. He further taught that his disciples should be merciful like God is merciful and should be kind and forgiving.
A fourth implication is that all members of a local church have a responsibility to help each other develop those qualities of character that will enable them to live Jesus’ commandment to love one another. These qualities include being approachable—friendly and easy to talk to; kind—generous, helpful, and caring about other people; considerate—thoughtful of other people’s feelings; forgiving—letting go of anger and resentment and not hold things against others; patient—not easily angered or displeased; honest—not hiding the truth, misleading others, telling only a part of the truth, and other similar things; compassionate—showing sympathy with the suffering of others and exhibiting a desire to help; empathetic—understanding the feelings of others and putting ourselves in their place; and the like.
A fifth implication is that all members of a local church should avoid harmful behavior like saying false and unpleasant things about their fellow members; spreading rumors intended to harm or upset them; having conversations with other church members about a particular church member’s private life that are unkind, disapproving, or untrue; not speaking to a particular church member or speaking very little to them; reacting in a very angry way to something that a fellow church member says or does; being extremely unkind and unpleasant to a fellow church member and causing them pain intentionally; annoying or upsetting a fellow church member with unwanted or offensive sexual attention, suggestions, or talk; bullying a fellow church member; trying to turn other church members against a particular church member; and otherwise doing what they can to make life miserable for that person. None of this behavior fits with Jesus’ commandment to love one another. They also do not fit with John Wesley’s general rule not to do harm and to avoid all forms of evil.
A sixth implication of Jesus’ commandment to love another is that members of a local church who are not on good terms or friendly terms with each other should be encouraged to forgive each other and reconcile with each other. When a bad situation festers, it becomes worse because it is being ignored. It can affect other relationships in the local church over time and interfere with the common life of the church.
Holding onto anger and resentment toward a fellow Christ is spiritually and psychologically harmful to the person who is experiencing the feelings of anger and resentment.
People express anger differently. Some express anger directly; others, indirectly. Those who express anger indirectly often act out their angry feelings in ways that can hurt or do harm themselves as well as the person with whom they are angry or upset. While we generally think of anger hurting or doing harm to someone when it is expressed in the form of verbal abuse or physical violence, it can also be damaging when it is expressed in indirect ways. For example, a parent who is angry or upset with a child may withhold all attention from the child to the extent that the child’s life is in danger.
In 1 John 3: 15 the apostle John uses very strong language in warning about the danger of hanging onto angry feelings to the point that they turn to intense dislike, or hatred. “Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart.” In Matthew 5: 21-22 Jesus equates anger with the desire to kill someone. “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!” Feelings of anger and resentment are not feelings that we want to nurse in hearts. Rather we need to verbalize them and then let them go.
The more we reflect upon Jesus’ commandment to love one another, the more we will see the connection between what Jesus taught and what the apostles themselves taught. Loving one another means being genuinely at peace at with each other, living and working together happily without having any unresolved bad feelings between each other.
