Four questions about suicide

What do you say at the funeral of someone who has committed suicide?

Gladly, I’m no expert on this. But I did have a number of unrelated suicides over a two year period recently and thought I might share a few things I learnt.

Suicide is so hard for the family. Grieving the loss of a loved one is exhausting. Double that when it is a sudden death. Triple it when it is a suicide. Unlike most other funerals, people can some with a strange mix of shock, anger, shame, and guilt. One moment life seems normal, the next they are busy organizing a funeral, and speaking with doctors and the police and the minister... and figuring out sandwiches for the wake.

Sometimes it isn’t clear if there has been a suicide - at other times there is no doubt. Where the family knows it is a suicide I’ve encouraged them to let me say this at the funeral and not to keep it hidden.

I’ve found these four questions arise: why did it happen? is this my fault? is it wrong to feel angry? and is forgiveness possible? I’ve tried to answer each of them with the family and, where appropriate, to speak at the funeral on them. Read more

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