Jackie Knapp: How to Counsel as a Friend

When we hear the word counseling, we often think of a formal setting and professional atmosphere. Although the biblical counseling movement of the last few decades has done much to restore counseling to the local church, we can still negatively associate counseling with those who have really big problems. Often, we do not like to admit we need this level of help or believe we have something to offer others who are troubled. It all seems messy, personal, and complicated.

But life is messy, personal, and complicated. While there is certainly a place for formal counseling, there is also much to be said for casual interactions and normal conversations with friends to help us deal with our difficulties.* If we think about counseling as simply talking about and listening to problems, then it is not so intimidating. If we are committed to each other as friends to live out how the Bible teaches us to love each other, many of those really big problems are diffused before they become life-dominating.

Right Time and Place

To be sure, we need wisdom and time spent in prayer when we get involved with someone's marriage conflicts or sexual addictions or overwhelming fears. We need humility to say, "I don't know, maybe we should get someone else involved in this" or "I need to talk to you about my life."

We need patience when it seems like we're repeating the same conversation over and over or when we have shared something with a friend and now things feel awkward. We also need confidence in the Holy Spirit that he has equipped us with the words to say at the right time and the grace to ask for forgiveness when we do not love as we should.

Do we have people in our lives who we can be honest with when life is hard? More importantly, are we the sort of people our friends trust enough to be real? How can we make our friendships a place where life-giving counsel happens without things getting really weird? There are many ways it can go poorly and many ways people have been hurt when trying to open up with others. Keep reading