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Thursday, December 19, 2019

Christmas, Kids, and Sexual Abuse: 5 Tips for Safety


Perhaps you, like me, have childhood memories of being relegated to a basement room to watch a movie with all the other kids during holiday parties. For the most part, this wasn’t a bad deal. Your parents got to whoop it up with their friends upstairs while you got to eat cookies and popcorn and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Between the noise from the movie and the loud Christmas music playing upstairs, you were in a tight spot if you needed to get your parents’ attention. No big deal, right?

In today’s world, however, after our collective eyes have been opened to the realities and horror of childhood sexual abuse, this scenario is (hopefully) becoming extinct. Overall this is a good thing. It’s not as if bad things didn’t happen when we were children at those holiday parties. It’s that we as a society weren’t as aware of how these bad things happen. We certainly weren’t aware of the prevalence of sexual abuse, even in supposedly safe places like church.

Studies by David Finkelhor, the Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, indicate that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse. According to the Department of Justice, the vast majority of child victims of sexual assault know their perpetrators. Of the assaults reported to authorities, only seven percent of the perpetrators are strangers to the child while 59 percent are acquaintances and 34 percent are family members.

The sad reality is that while the Christmas season is a wonderful time to catch up with old friends and your relatives, holiday parties and family get-togethers are sometimes optimal places for abuse to occur. Not to mention all the extra public outings that get thrown into your family’s normal schedule. Trips to the mall, recitals, etc.—while fun and potentially safe for your kids—should also be treated with care and perhaps a little extra diligence on your part. Instead of scaring you into not going anywhere this Christmas season, though, the aim of this article is to help you and your family utilize practices that will keep everyone as safe as possible. (I am indebted to Pattie Fitzgerald, whose blog SafelyEverAfter.com is the source for many of the tips below.) Read More
For more than 25 years I was involved in child welfare work in the state of Louisiana. During that time my caseload included children who had been the victims of sexual abuse and exploitation. I would add to these tips the following advice:

1. Parents and other caregivers should limit how much they drink. Too often children are sexually abused while a parent or other caregiver is intoxicated or has passed out from drinking too much. Alcohol can also contribute to sexual abuse of children in other ways. Perpetrators may use alcohol to lower or overcome their inhibitions against sexually abusing a child or to reduce a child's resistance to their sexual overtures.

2. If a child is left in someone else's care while the child's parents or caregivers go partying, the person caring for the child should be someone whom the parents or caregivers can really trust, who will not drink or use drugs while caring for the child, and who will not let other people into their home. Parents and other caregivers should limit how long they are away from home and not stay out all night. They may want to check on the child in person from time to time. These visits should be made unannounced.

3. If the baby sitter is going to watch a DVD or cable TV, the parents or caregivers should take steps to ensure that the the baby sitter does not watch pornography or show pornography to the child. Pornography can be used by a perpetrator to arouse themselves sexually to the point of committing sexual abuse, often seeking to engage in the same kind of sexual activity with the child that the perpetrator viewed in a pornographic video. A perpetrator may also use the pornography to induce the child to engage in a particular sexual activity.

4. When parents or other caregivers hold a party in their own home, it is best that children who come with their parents or other caregivers should be in the same room as the parents or other caregivers. If they occupy another room, it should adjoin that room and the children should be visible to the parents or other caregivers at all times. No closed doors.

5. A child should never be left alone in a room with one adult. There should be at least two trusted adults present.

6. Yes, it may be grandpa, uncle, brother, or cousin but grandpas, uncles, brothers, and cousins sexually abuse children. So do boyfriends, fiances, and dads. Woman also sexually abuse children.

7. If the party is held in the home of the parents or other caregivers, it is best to limit the size of the party to a small number of people with whom the parents or other caregivers are well-acquainted. Large parties with lots of people coming and going, people unknown to the parents or other caregivers, increases the risk of sexual abuse to a child.

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