Our Longing for Friends

Even before the pandemic forced many of us into relative isolation, Americans were feeling increasingly lonely. In one pre-COVID survey, more than 3 in 5 people reported feeling poorly understood and hungry for companionship.

We human beings are hardwired for connection. Our well-being depends upon belonging. Superficial contact alone will not nurture our souls. To thrive we need intimacy. We need friends.

In his work Spiritual Friendship, the medieval monk Aelred of Rievaulx put it this way:

“How happy, how carefree, how joyful you are if you have a friend with whom you may talk as freely as with yourself, to whom you neither fear to confess any fault nor blush at revealing any spiritual progress, to whom you may entrust all the secrets of your heart and confide all your plans. And what is more delightful than so to unite spirit to spirit and so to make one out of two that there is neither fear of boasting nor dread of suspicion? A friend’s correction does not cause pain, and a friend’s praise is not considered flattery.”

It’s good to have business contacts, coworkers, and buddies to kill time with, but we yearn for something more. We want to be seen, to be known, to be loved as the work in progress that we really are by someone committed to helping us become our true selves. And we want to offer that same gift in return. Friends do that for each other. Read More