Shunning

I did some late night research on shunning. Someone may use shunning as a way of punishing someone else. The person whom they are shunning may not know why he or she is being shunned. They may have absolutely no idea. This makes the pain of being shunned even more painful. On the other hand, someone may avoid someone else because they are in a hurry and don't have time to talk. The person that they avoid experiences their behavior as a brushoff and is left wondering what they may have done to trigger the perceived rejection.

According to the Psychology Today article, "Shunning: The Ultimate Rejection," the act of shunning is social or mental rejection from a psychological standpoint. Among the reasons that people shun someone is embarrassment, shame, jealousy, annoyance, racial or cultural bias, poor timing, and shyness.

Depending upon the circumstances, shunning may be classified as a form of psychological and emotional abuse. It may be described as "silent bullying."

Shunning can be as harmful to the person doing the shunning, causing them psychological and emotional damage, as it can be to the person being shunned if someone else is directing them or encouraging them to shun that person. This can happen when a circle of friends direct or encourage a member of their circle to shun someone to whom the other members have taken a dislike.

From both a Christian perspective and a humanistic psychological perspective shunning is not an appropriate way to show our disagreement with someone else if we disagree with them over a particular issue. It conflicts with Jesus' teaching to love others and humanistic psychology's emphasis on the unconditional love of others. If we disagree with someone, we should talk with them. We may misunderstand their position and they may misunderstand ours. We may discover that our views and theirs are not that far apart. We may discover that on what matters most, we and they are in agreement.

Some religious sects such as the Amish and the Jehovah's Witnesses practice shunning as a form of church disciple. The passage in the Gospel of Matthew prescribing shunning is regarded by New Testament scholars as a later interpolation due to its reference to the church which did not exist at that time and the words that are ascribed to Jesus but which are out of character with Jesus who did nut shun tax collectors and sinners.

Of the two options we have if we believe that we are being intentionally shunned , the second option is the one that is in keeping with Jesus' teaching:

"Or, you can bite the bullet and have a 'courageous conversation' with that person, simply saying that you feel he or she is avoiding you and you wonder why. That way you have closure, and it may be that you learn something valuable about yourself or the shunner."

Jesus taught his disciples that if they had a misunderstanding or falling out with someone, they should do all they can to patch things up with whoever they had a quarrel or disagreement. Jesus taught his disciples not to harbor grudges against someone else or hang onto bitter feelings toward them. 

When Jesus taught his disciples to love others and to love one another, he was not being sentimental. He meant what he said. It was not something that would be optional for his followers.  Out of our love for our Lord and our commitment to his teaching and example we need to find out what they are holding against us and why and to do what we can to put things right between them and ourselves. We also need to keep on loving them, treating them as we ourselves would want to be treated. To my mind, it is the right thing to do too.