How do we know that we are on the right track when it comes to loving one another? The Gospel of John tells us that Jesus gave his disciples as new commandment. It was to love one another as he has had loved them. How do we know that we are fulfilling this commandment?
To understand what he had in mind when he gave this commandment, we must look at Jesus’ attitudes, his behavior, his character, and his teaching as reported not only in John’s Gospel but also the three Synoptic Gospels—Matthew, Mark, and Luke. We must also consider what the apostles tell us about Jesus.
While the narrative may not be as detailed as might like, it does give us an idea of what the early church understood Jesus to represent and to teach. We also know from accounts of their contemporaries that the early Christians took Jesus' new commandment seriously. Their love distinguished them from their pagan neighbors.
We may live in a time in history in which those who profess to be Christians give little attention to loving one another but their negligence is not enough reason for us to keep from loving our brothers and sisters in Christ.
As Jesus points to our attention, loving one another is more fulfilling an obligation or duty. In obeying Jesus, we show that we love him. As Jesus told his disciples, those who love him obey what he commands. They keep his word. Our love for one another is an expression of our devotion and loyalty to our Lord. In loving my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am not just loving them, but I am also loving Jesus.
How then do we love one another, our brothers and sisters in Christ?
First and importantly, in a kind way, not judging in a severe way, we think that it is likely true that they are our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is the principle of charitable presumption. We believe that they are what they profess.
We do not harbor the thought that they are really not Christians and therefore we are under no constraint to love them. Even if they were not what they professed, Jesus has taught us to love them. They are our neighbors, and we are to love them as ourselves.
God knows our hearts. He knows our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing is hidden from him. He knows if there is a glimmer of faith in our hearts. He knows whether we have faith no matter how slight it may be. It does not fall to us to decide who God has foreseen and chosen, who he has destined for life.
God knows the state of our souls. He knows whether we need his enabling grace or his perfecting, sanctifying grace. We know one thing—that we all need God’s grace—his merciful kindness, his holy influence. Without the help of his grace, we cannot even have the desire to please him, much less to do anything to please him.
We show respect for one another. We show understanding and care for one another’s feelings. We are honest and truthful with one another. We do not try to deceive one another. We treat one another as being important and valued. After all God dearly loves and treasures each one of us. If we are important and valued in God’s eyes, we cannot see one another as anything less than God does. Think about that for a moment.
We copy God as a child copies a parent. God is kind so we are kind. God is merciful so we are merciful. Being kind means that we are friendly to one another. We listen to one another. We are able to share our thoughts and feelings with one another without fearing something bad or unpleasant will happen if we do. We are not quick to react angrily to what one another says or does. We do not refuse to talk or be pleasant to one another.
Being kind means that we are generous with one another. We are generous with our time, compliments, praise, help, and encouragement, and in all the other ways that we can be generous with one another.
Being kind means that we are helpful to one another. We go out of our way to lend a helping hand. We do what we can to make it possible or easier for the others to whatever they are doing. We may do part of the work ourselves, or provide money, advice, support, and that sort of thing. We may turn up early at a church event to see if we can help in any way. We may help to stack folding chairs after the event and to take apart table decorations. We may offer to help load speakers onto a dolly.
Being kind means that we give thought to one another’s feelings. We care about how one another feels. We think that one another’s feelings are important, and we are interested in one another’s feelings. If someone is unhappy, we want to know why and whether we can do something about it.
Being kind means that we care about one another. We are concerned for one another’s health, safety, and wellbeing. We give attention to one another. We look after one another, protect one another, and ensure that one another is dealt with in the right way. We share one another’s burdens.
Being kind means that we are gentle and loving with one another. We show a lot of love toward one another. We may show one other affection, feelings of liking. At the same time, we respect one another’s personal boundaries, the limits of what the other consider to be acceptable behavior.
We do not leave others to guess what our personal boundaries are, only to discover that they have been overstepping our boundaries and triggering feelings of unease and discomfort in ourselves.
We try to understand one another, the way that we may communicate differently and how we communicate can affect one another’s behavior. We are patient with one another, not letting one another’s faults and mistakes anger or annoy us. We also recognize that when we do not communicate with one another enough, we can misread one another’s words and actions.
We do our best to get along with one another, to be friends and to get to know one another. We look for the good qualities in one another and not for the bad ones. We set our hearts on liking one another and we do not change our minds.
Being merciful means that we treat one another with a special type of kindness, a kindness that makes us forgive the failings of others. We are not only willing to forgive one another, but also we actually do it. We stop blaming someone for something that person may have done, and we do not punish them. We let go of any anger and resentment that we have toward them, and we do not hold against them whatever they may have done.
We take seriously what Jesus said about making peace with someone who has something against us, putting being reconciled with them before fulfilling our religious obligations. We also treat with the same kind of attention the apostle Paul’s warning not to stay angry for so long a time that our anger causes us to do bad or hurtful things and gives the spiritual forces harmful to us an opportunity to do us harm or someone else’s harm.
As you can see, loving one another goes beyond having warm, fuzzy feelings for our brothers and sisters in Christ. It involves acting in a friendly, loving way to one another the better part of the time. We may have bad days, but they do not excuse us from making a serious effort to love one another.
God knows our infirmities and weaknesses. God provides us with an infinite supply of grace. We on our part must open ourselves to God’s grace and make use of it. God’s Holy Spirit has made his home in us and gently encourages us to love one another. We have a lot going for us. Most of all we have God’s goodness that he shows us in so many ways. Let us not hold back from loving one another, but trust in God’s goodness.
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