It's Thursday: 'In Prayer, We Are Fully Seen and Fully Known' and More

In Prayer, We Are Fully Seen and Fully Known
How intimacy with God fuels Meg Baatz’s ministry among same-sex-attracted and LGBT peers.

What Comes After the Ex-Gay Movement? The Same Thing That Came Before.
Old-school evangelical leaders once knew the value of “care” over “cure.”

The Not-So-Surprising Reason Kids Grow up to Be Atheists
A new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science shows that the number one predictive factor for an American child becoming an atheist is growing up in a home with little religion or religious activity.

9 Teaching Methods Of Jesus
As pastors, if there is anyone we should emulate in our preaching and teaching it is Jesus! Right? So how did Jesus teach?

Battling Beside Them: Ministering to Students Fighting Anxiety or Depression
In state universities, community colleges, and private universities more and more students are struglling with anxiety or depression.

When Church is “Boring”
Church can be boring adults as well as children. We can make church more interesting for childre. We can make it more interesting for adults too.

What’s Working for Groups in Fall 2021
When Carey Nieuwhof told the world that just when pastors thought we were ending the marathon of 2020, then 2021 handed us a swimsuit and a bike making this a triathlon. He wasn’t wrong. Clearly things have not snapped back, and it appears that things may never resume 2019 standards and strategies. And, that’s okay.

It's Wednesday: 'How To Lead Those Who Don’t Want To Follow' and More

How To Lead Those Who Don’t Want To Follow

I wish I could say, :I never had this problem."

You Can’t Just Put Kids in Church
You have to makke church more kid friendly

Survey: ‘Great Replacement’ belief Correlates with Christian Nationalist Views
God has chosen no nation to take the place of the people of Israel. The kingdom of God, Jesus taught, is in those who believe in him and who do God's will.

How To Set Expectations for a New Group Guide Start with SAFE communication.

When You Feel the Way You Do Right Now
There is such a thing as collective tauma.

Did the Heretics Outnumber the Orthodox in Early Christianity?
The history of the Christian Church does not support the notion of enormous doctrinal diversity in the earrly Church.

Your Muslim Neighbors Are Not Monolithic
What does the average Muslim believe?

Please Don’t Get the Wrong Idea….

 

In yesterday’s article, “Jesus Taught Us to Be Loving But Not Naïve,” I do not think that I adequately explained what I meant. I also think that I left myself open to people reading into what I wrote things other than what I said.

A genuine friend, while they may not share our Christian beliefs and values, will respect them. They will not encourage us to think, speak, or act in ways that conflict with these beliefs and values. They will not try to dissuade us from holding and practicing these beliefs and values.

Christian beliefs and values can be divided into primary beliefs and values and secondary ones. Primary beliefs and values are our core beliefs and values.

Among core Christian beliefs and values is that Jesus is Lord. A lord is someone who has authority, power, and influence over us. Capitalizing Lord means that Jesus for his followers AND the rest of the world is not just any old lord. He is numero uno. He is the preeminent Person in our lives, second to no one, including ourselves. Jesus in his teaching emphasized loving others, showing them compassion, kindness, forgiveness, generosity, and so on. Jesus taught us not only to love our neighbors as ourselves but also to love our enemies and do good to them and to love our fellow Jesus followers. A genuine friend would not urge us to ignore these core beliefs and values and to think, speak, and act in ways that contradict them. They would respect these boundaries.

Jesus did not teach his disciples to withdraw from the world but to be in it but not of it. Being not of it means that we will have beliefs and values that differ from a society’ principal culture and its main subcultures. For example, the principal culture in the United States places such an emphasis on self that we hear people saying that they have no responsibility for anyone’s well-being other than their own. This judgment of what is important in life is not a Christian one. It is contrary to what Jesus taught and practiced.

Each of us is influenced to varying degrees by our society’s principal culture. As Jesus followers we need to be aware of the extent that society’s principal culture and any of its main subcultures influence us, and how that influence impacts us as a Jesus follower.

For Jesus followers friendships and relationships can be divided into three categories—those which reinforce and strengthen our core beliefs and values; those in which our core beliefs and values are respected, and those which weaken and erode our core beliefs and values. Ideally we would want a balance of friendships and relationships in the first two categories. However, we may find ourselves in a friendship or relationship in the third category.

We may not initially recognize that a particular friendship or relationship is having a debilitating effect on us. When we do come to this realization, we will want to draw to the attention of our friend or the person with whom we are in a relationship that they are not respect our spiritual boundaries. If they continue to disregard these boundaries or actively press us to abandon our core beliefs and values, then we need to assess the extent that they are having a negative effect on us.

I am not suggesting that we reject them outright or ghost them, but we do need to consider their long-term effects on our spiritual life and take positive steps to counter these effects. If they persist in dismissing our core beliefs and values, deride us for holding and practicing them, and aggressively attack them, we may need to break off the friendship or relationship in a loving way consistent with Jesus’ teaching and example. If they resort to physical violence or psychological and emotional abuse and we determine the existence of credible threat to our lives, we may choose to break off the friendship or relationship more abruptly.

Some friendships and relationships that weaken and erode our core beliefs and values are more insidious than others. It may take a while for us to recognize that is what is happening. A friendship or relationship may be harmful to us spiritually but not in an immediately perceptible fashion.

For this reason, it is good to have friends and spiritual guides with whom we share what is going on in our friendships and relationships and who may spot problem areas which we may be overlooking. We all have blind spots, areas in which we do not exercise good judgment or recognize and understand the difference between one thing and another.

It is good to listen to those who care about us when they discern that something may be off in a friendship or relationship, when they sense that something is not quite right.

It is also good to recognize any tendency in ourselves to stubbornly insist upon doing what we want to do regardless of what other people may say. From what I have observed over the years is that a lot of people get themselves in all kinds of trouble that way. Being headstrong is not always a bad thing, but it can blind us to things that are harmful to us.

Jesus Taught Us to Be Loving But Not Naive

I am going to make a statement that may offend you. For a follower of Jesus, people, including other Christians, who encourage us to think, speak and act in ways that are contrary to Jesus’ teaching and example are not our friends. They may be charming and pleasant. They may be fun to be around. They may show us acceptance and sympathy. But they are not our friends.

I am not talking about people who do not share our beliefs and who have beliefs of their own. One can have different beliefs from us and respect our beliefs.

I am talking about those who encourage us to go against Jesus’ teaching and example.

Their age, their education, their social status, their background, their gender, their sexual orientation, their race, their ethnicity, their political views, their tastes in music, their interests;nd their pastimes do not matter.  They are not our friends.

They do not accept an important part of us, an important part of who we are, an important part of our self. While we should treat them lovingly as Jesus taught us, we should be mindful that they may not have our best interests at heart. .

Jesus taught us to be as wise as serpents and gentle as doves in our dealings with other people. In John’s Gospel we read—

“While he was in Jerusalem at Passover-time, during the festivities many believed in him as they saw the signs that he gave. But Jesus, on his side, did not trust himself to them—for he knew them all. He did not need anyone to tell him what people were like: he understood human nature.” (John 2:24-25 PHILLIPS)

Jesus knew that everyone who sought him out did not do so from the best of intentions. Some wished to trick him; others to exploit him. One would betray him. While Jesus taught us to be loving, he did not teach us to be naïve.

In my lifetime I have seen enough young people and old people gamed by people whom they thought were their friends. Those whom they thought were friends were deceiving them in order to manipulate them or to achieve some desired outcome. Those whom they thought were friends were playing to their vulnerabilities such as a desire for approval from ulterior motives.

For a follower of Jesus any kind of encouragement to go against Jesus’ teaching and example is a flashing red light, a red flag, a clanging alarm bell. It is a tip-off that whoever is encouraging us to think, speak, or act in a way contrary to what Jesus taught and practices does not genuinely accept us. It is a warning that we need to be on our guard. 

All Hallows Evening Prayer for Wednesday Evening (October 13, 2021) Is Now Online

 

All Hallows Evening Prayer is a service of worship in the evening for all pilgrims on the journey to the heavenly city.

God sometimes answers our prayers with a miracle. We ask God to heal a friend and when she sees the doctor the next day the lump on her thyroid has gone!

God, however, does not always answer our prayers that way. God may have a different way of redeeming a situation in mind. He may change us!

The Scripture reading for this Wednesday evening’s service is Hebrews 5:1-10 Christ Our Great High Priest.

The homily is titled “How God Answers Prayer.”

The link to this Wednesday evening’s service is—

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/2021/10/all-hallows-evening-prayer-for_12.html

Please feel free to share the link to the service with anyone whom you believe might benefit from the service.

If an ad plays when you open a link to a video in a new tab, click the refresh icon of your browser until the song appears. An ad may follow a song so as soon as the song is finished, close the tab.

Previous services are online at

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/

May this service be a blessing to you.

It's Tuesday: '7 Questions to Help You Better Know (and Love) Your Community' and More

7 Questions to Help You Better Know (and Love) Your Community
How well do you know your community? Do you know it well enough to help your congregation connect with people in the community?

The Pandemic Has Helped Religion’s Reputation. Do Religious Vaccine Resisters Put This Progress at Risk?
One of the reasons people are rejecting the local church is its failure to follow Jesus' teaching and example. One of the reasons people are attracted to the local is that it practices what Jesus taught and modeled. Jesus' teaching is to love others, take care of them as well as yourself. The anti-vaxx message is take care of yourself; you are not responsible for others.

Why Are So Many Young Adults Losing Their Faith?
I live in a small university town. From what I have seen, one of the reason that young people are losing their faith is the people who have the most influence in their lives, whether in person or online, do not encourage and reinforce their faith. In some instances they are actively undermining it in order to convert them to a different world view, a world view that is antithetical to what Jesus' teaching and example.

How Can Anxiety Be Good for Us
Christians experience anxiety and depression. It is more common than we want to think.

Prayer Doesn’t Fix Everything, But It Changes Everything (Yes, There’s a Difference)
God does not always work the way that we might like him to.

8 Thoughts That Help Me trust God When I Don't Understand
Like Chuck Lawless, I don’t always understand what God is doing in my life.

The God of Your Troubled Heart
Do you take your doubts and concerns to Jesus? If not, now is the time to start.

Trunk or Treat Ideas for Church: 27 Creative Harvest Event Themes
All Hallows Eve and Hallowmas are approach. Does you church do trunk or treat? It is a great outreach.

They Are Not of This Fold

Yesterday I got to preach to our small local church plant on John 10:16 – “And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.”

We simply walked phrase by phrase through this verse, seeking to understand, wrestle with the importance, illustrate, and apply each line. The phrase that got the most audible reactions was “that are not of this fold.”

I shared with the attendees that Jesus was here communicating to the Jews that the people of God would be gathered from unexpected peoples and places – namely, the gentile nations. “Not of this fold” meant not of ethnic Israel. One of the great mysteries revealed in the New Testament is that God had chosen a holy spiritual nation, comprised of those from every nation, tribe, and tongue. Ethnic Israel wasn’t the ultimate Israel.

This part wasn’t very provocative. After all, my listeners were Central Asians, not first century Jews. However, we then discussed why this point is important for us today. We, like Jesus’ initial Jewish followers, tend to believe that there are certain types of people who believe, and certain types of people who really don’t. Those similar to us almost always fall into the category of “likely open to belief.” And groups we are naturally opposed to often end up in the category of “unlikely to believe.” Read More

Prayer as Reverent Conversation

It is often very helpful for some Christians who struggle with prayer to think of it in terms of “talking to Dad.” This can help take some of the burden off of thinking our prayers have to be expressed a certain way or use a certain kind of terminology in order to be heard. Some people have a mistaken idea that we must only be positive in our prayers or never ask for things we want. Christians are great at coming up with rules for prayer that the Bible never actually gives us.

If you look through the Psalms, for instance, you will see how David and the other psalmists showed their true selves to God in prayer. They were honest about their fears, their confusion, their hurts, their doubts, their discouragements, and even their anger and their depression. They understood that we can’t hide that stuff from God anyway. It isn’t as if he wouldn’t know we feel those ways if we just didn’t tell him. No, when we pray, we can bring our real selves to the real God to get real help for our real lives. Read More

For some woman who have been abused by their father, physically, emotionally, or sexually, it may be easier for them to thinking of praying as talking to Mum or to a friend, a friend who is infinitely wiser and loving than any other friend that we have had. 

7 Surprises for New Children’s Ministry Leaders

As a new children's ministry leader, director or pastor, you may think you have everything under control and know what to expect.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. You've got some big surprises ahead of you.

Here are a few surprises that you may face and how to be prepared to deal with it. Read More

Shunning

I did some late night research on shunning. Someone may use shunning as a way of punishing someone else. The person whom they are shunning may not know why he or she is being shunned. They may have absolutely no idea. This makes the pain of being shunned even more painful. On the other hand, someone may avoid someone else because they are in a hurry and don't have time to talk. The person that they avoid experiences their behavior as a brushoff and is left wondering what they may have done to trigger the perceived rejection.

According to the Psychology Today article, "Shunning: The Ultimate Rejection," the act of shunning is social or mental rejection from a psychological standpoint. Among the reasons that people shun someone is embarrassment, shame, jealousy, annoyance, racial or cultural bias, poor timing, and shyness.

Depending upon the circumstances, shunning may be classified as a form of psychological and emotional abuse. It may be described as "silent bullying."

Shunning can be as harmful to the person doing the shunning, causing them psychological and emotional damage, as it can be to the person being shunned if someone else is directing them or encouraging them to shun that person. This can happen when a circle of friends direct or encourage a member of their circle to shun someone to whom the other members have taken a dislike.

From both a Christian perspective and a humanistic psychological perspective shunning is not an appropriate way to show our disagreement with someone else if we disagree with them over a particular issue. It conflicts with Jesus' teaching to love others and humanistic psychology's emphasis on the unconditional love of others. If we disagree with someone, we should talk with them. We may misunderstand their position and they may misunderstand ours. We may discover that our views and theirs are not that far apart. We may discover that on what matters most, we and they are in agreement.

Some religious sects such as the Amish and the Jehovah's Witnesses practice shunning as a form of church disciple. The passage in the Gospel of Matthew prescribing shunning is regarded by New Testament scholars as a later interpolation due to its reference to the church which did not exist at that time and the words that are ascribed to Jesus but which are out of character with Jesus who did nut shun tax collectors and sinners.

Of the two options we have if we believe that we are being intentionally shunned , the second option is the one that is in keeping with Jesus' teaching:

"Or, you can bite the bullet and have a 'courageous conversation' with that person, simply saying that you feel he or she is avoiding you and you wonder why. That way you have closure, and it may be that you learn something valuable about yourself or the shunner."

Jesus taught his disciples that if they had a misunderstanding or falling out with someone, they should do all they can to patch things up with whoever they had a quarrel or disagreement. Jesus taught his disciples not to harbor grudges against someone else or hang onto bitter feelings toward them. 

When Jesus taught his disciples to love others and to love one another, he was not being sentimental. He meant what he said. It was not something that would be optional for his followers.  Out of our love for our Lord and our commitment to his teaching and example we need to find out what they are holding against us and why and to do what we can to put things right between them and ourselves. We also need to keep on loving them, treating them as we ourselves would want to be treated. To my mind, it is the right thing to do too.

Perseverance in Prayer; Loving Those Who Occupy a Special Place in Our Hearts

 I feel down in the dumps when life takes an unexpected twist, or something happens that catches me off guard. Maybe I should have seen it coming or I did see it coming but closed my eyes and hoped it would not happen. I am left depressed and unhappy, casting about for a way out of a dilemma which may or may not have been of my making. Everything I do seems to make matters worse. I can be philosophical about it but being philosophical does not make things better.

Sometimes I wish that I had a magic wand which I could wave to set things to right. But I am not God and God does not need a magic wand to put things right. All God has to do is will it and it happens.

When things go awry, we pray that God will do that, but God may in his wisdom chose not to grant what we ask. We keep persevering in pray as Jesus taught us, knocking on God’s door late at night and asking for bread, pestering God like the widow pestered the unjust judge until he granted her plea. “Please God, set things to right.”

If God does not answer our prayer favorably right away, God may not be telling us “no.” He may be saying, “Wait, now is not the right time.” God may also be saying, “Do you really want what you are asking? Do you know what you’ll be getting into? It may be a lot of pain, anguish, sadness, and heartache.” God may be willing to grant what we are asking, but he wants us to be sure we understand what we are getting into.

God cares about us, but he also cares about other people, those who may be involved in our prayer. Granting what we ask may not only affect our life but their lives too. God may want to shield them from hurt and may want to satisfy himself that we will do right by them.

What do we do? We keep praying. Prayer is not a one-way conversation. God talks as well as listens. We may not hear an audible voice, but God does reply to us. We may have an impression in our mind or a feeling in our inner self, God is saying, “Do really want what you are asking? If so, now is not the time.”

We may be left crestfallen. We were hoping that God would immediately grant our prayer.

I write a lot about loving others, our neighbors, those who are unfriendly toward us, those who outright hate us and wish us ill, and our brothers and sisters in Christ. I also write about loving those who occupy a special place in our hearts.

When I write about loving the latter, I am not writing about romantic love or sexual love. I am writing about having a genuine fondness and affection for them as a person, caring about their welfare; having concern and empathy for them, grasping from where they may be coming and putting ourselves in their place, in their heads and in their hearts; doing our best to understand them; to show them respect, kindness, and trust; to be there for them when they need someone; to support and to encourage them; to generously give them our time and attention; to see the good in them, the good which God has gifted them; to help them when they need help; to be someone in whom they can confide and whom they can trust.

I must admit that that may not always be easy to do but with God’s help it is what we seek to do. We may make mistakes. Those who occupy that special place in our hearts may misunderstand us. Our blind spots, those areas in which we fail to exercise good judgment or in which we do not recognize and understand the difference between one thing and another, may create problems for us.

Having decided to love them, we keep on loving them. God loves us the same way. While our love cannot be compared to God’s, we seek to emulate his love.

All Hallows Evening Prayer for Sunday Evening (October 10, 2021) Is Now Online

 

All Hallows Evening Prayer is a service of worship in the evening for all pilgrims on the journey to the heavenly city.

We find no direct mention of grace in the Gospels in the sense of God’s divine influence working invisibly in our lives, giving us the will and the power to fulfill God’s purposes. But we do find a repeated emphasis upon trusting God’s mercy, his love toward us. We are also comforted by Jesus’ words. “Everything is possible with God.”

The Scripture reading for this Sunday evening is Mark 10: 17-31 Jesus Shows the Danger of Riches

The homily is titled “God of Mercy, God of Love.”

The link to this Sunday evening’s service is—

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/2021/10/all-hallows-evening-prayer-for-sunday_9.html

Please feel free to share the link to the service with anyone whom you believe might benefit from the service.

If an ad plays when you open a link to a video in a new tab, click the refresh icon of your browser until the song appears. An ad may follow a song so as soon as the song is finished, close the tab.

Previous services are online at

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/

May this service be a blessing to you.

Saturday Lagniappe: 'Scot McKnight: Why Legalism Isn’t What You Think' and More

Scot McKnight: Why Legalism Isn’t What You Think

This is the longer of the two articles by Scott McKnight to which I am posting links. In this article Scott wrestles with the tough subject of legalism. Our salvation is a gift, a gift that we receive by faith, but havuing received that gift, we are expected to emulate Jesus' character, teaching, and example, and not go our own way, doing whatever is right in our own sight.

Diluting the Medicene
This is the shorter of Scott's two articles. It is the kind of article that we read and then say "ouch" because it hits home.

Prayer Tips: For What Should We Pray?
"Your will be done," Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane. Jacob Tanner reminds us that we should not only pray that God's will should be done but also God's name should be honored throughout the earth.

The Best Darn Fall Kickoff Ideas…Period
It's fall and despite the pandemic it's time to kick off our church's youth ministry for the season.

Opening Prayers for Youth Groups: 11 Ideas for Your Next Meeting
One of the greatest gifts that we can give our youth is the gift of expectant prayer. Our prayers need not be lengthy but neither should they be perfunctory. Most importantly, they should convey the expectation that God will answer them.

12 Active Indoor Games for Children About Faith
12 active indoor games for children about faith that teach, challenge, inspire, and lead kids into deeper faith.

All Hallows Evening Prayer for Saturday Evening (October 9, 2021) Is Now Online.

All Hallows Evening Prayer is a service of worship in the evening for all pilgrims on the journey to the heavenly city.

One thing I have noticed about the hymns and songs we sing on Sundays and prayers we say, they display a real lack of trust in God’s presence. Scripture tells us that God is everywhere and all-knowing. God indwells the hearts of the faithful. But if we go by those hymns, songs, and prayers, God must be summoned to the place where we are gathered. It may be a carryover from pagan times when loud music was played to attract the attention of the gods who were presumed to be napping or pursuing one of their other favorite pastimes—wooing reluctant maidens, drinking beer, and gambling. When you are god, you have a lot of time on your hands.

The Scripture reading for this Saturday evening is Hebrews 4:12-16 For Our Help and Comfort—Jesus the Great High Priest

The homily is titled “A Friend Like No Other.”

The link to this Saturday evening’s service is—

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/2021/10/all-hallows-evening-prayer-for-saturday_8.html

Please feel free to share the link to the service with anyone whom you believe might benefit from the service.

If an ad plays when you open a link to a video in a new tab, click the refresh icon of your browser until the song appears. An ad may follow a song so as soon as the song is finished, close the tab.

Previous services are online at

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/

May this service be a blessing to you.

It's Friday: 'The Importance of Affirming Online Attendance' and More

The Importance of Affirming Online Attendance

As James Emery White points out, Hebrews 10:24-25 is not about physical gathering, as some choose to narrowly interpret the passage, even going as far as to assert that the Body of Christ does not exist if everyone is not in attendance, a non-Biblical view since the Body of Christ is not a physical entity but a spiritual one, consisting of Christ and his people, connected to each other by the Holy Spirit. A church does need to embrace its online attendees.

Don’t Let Religious Liberty Claims Mask Bad Faith Arguments
When we abuse religious exemptions to evade reasonable public health measures, we run the risk of losing such exemptions fpr legitimate reasons.

Every Youth Ministry Should Do These 4 Things
In this article Russell St. Bernard draws our attention to four things, which a youth ministry, no matter its size or location or the size of its budget, he believes, should be doing. While all of the four things he lists are important, the fourth thing on the list struck me the most important.

Case Study: Getting Groups to Continue
Providing small group leaders with coaches is a long recognized practice in small group ministry. The coaches themselves should be organized into a small group for coaches. Depending on the size of the church, the pastor might be a participant in this group. In large churches the leaders of the small groups for coaches might in turn form a small group in which the pastor is a participant.

Wanted: Spiritual Mothers
In addition to my mother and my grandmother I have had two other spiritual mothers in my life, the two women, now with the Lord, who invited me to join their intercessory prayer group. I learned a lot from them not only about prayer but also about faithfulness. I thank God for putting them in my life and for the many other people he has put in my life to be companions on the way and to help me grow as a disciple of Jesus.

Loving Contrary People

People who are contrary are going to stubbornly do what they want to do regardless of what others think or say. They are going to stubbornly cling to their opinions even when they are wrong. In some circumstances their obstinacy is a strength; in other circumstances, it keeps getting them in trouble. Since they insist that they are right no matter what, they do not learn from their mistakes but repeat them over and over again, causing themselves and others a great deal of unhappiness.

People who are contrary actually are easy marks for manipulation because they are generally going to do the opposite of what you advise or suggest. Their favorite mantra is “No one tells me what to do!!”

To take advantage of them one offers them advice or suggestions the opposite what one thinks is in their best interest. There is a high probability that they will do the opposite of the advice given to them or the suggestions made to them. It is almost a knee-jerk reaction. Inside them is an unsocialized two or three-year old and a rebellious teenage seeking to assert their independence, to control a situation rather than give into parental control. In case that they catch on, one keeps them off guard by giving them random advice or making random suggestions.

Another way of manipulating them is to hint to them that someone is trying to control them and want them to do the opposite of what one wants to encourage them to do. When their rebelliousness is in a desired direction, one offers them reinforcement. This may be subtle or unsubtle, depending upon the circumstances. One plays to the rebelliousness, to their belief that they are being independent, and so forth.

People who are contrary are not contrary in all situations. In some circumstances they are people-pleasers. They will agree with someone and may even do what that person wants them to do. But once they see someone as a parental authority figure who in their mind is seeking to control them, then they will begin to exhibit contrariness. They will begin to relate to that person from the ego state Transactional Analysis calls the Rebellious Child.

“The Rebellious Child is a kind of Adapted Child, that adapts their feelings and behaviors to the world around them using rebelling.” The Rebellious Child is also known as the Shit Kickin’ Kid.

People will flip flop between the Compliant Child, which is also a kind of Adapted Child, and the Rebellious Child. People-pleasing. Rebellion. People-pleasing. Rebellion. They may be charming and pleasant one minute and creating havoc the next.

A person’s Rebellious Child may act with open defiance or silence. In the latter case one can expect the Rebellious Child to strike back in all kinds of devious ways.

When the person exhibited their Rebellious Child when they were a child, one or both parents may have responded in their Punitive Parent. They may have physically punished the child, or they may have withdrawn their attention from the child to the point the child’s life may have been at stake. They may have responded to the child from their own Child with similar results. Consequently, the person learned not to exhibit their Rebellious Child openly.

People are often people-pleasers with people of the same gender as the parent who showed them the least attention when they were a child. They are trying to make up for the attention that they did not receive as a child.

Their need for attention, however, can make them vulnerable to exploitation. In an earlier post I mentioned a preteen girl who had received little parental affection in her early childhood and who was overly affectionate with adults, including strangers. Showing affection to others was her way of seeking affection from them. She acted toward them, the way she wanted them to act toward her. This behavior is often observed in children in foster care who have received negligible affection from their parents. These children also frequently have a history of sexual abuse or exploitation. Their affection-seeking behavior may be mistaken for sexual precociousness, and it may be lead to sexual precociousness. In adulthood it can result in sexual promiscuity—multiple sexual partners.

People are also people-pleasers with people of the same gender as the parent who showed them the most attention. At the same time, they may have difficulty in relating to people of that gender because they have incorporated a lot of behaviors from the parent who was emotionally unavailable to them and who did not show them much attention. They also may become hooked into control struggles with such people because the parent of that gender was the one with whom they had these struggles.

When we chose to love someone, we chose to love all of them—the Compliant Child and the Rebellious Child—the individual who is charming and pleasant to be around and the individual who is creating havoc in our lives. Loving other people and loving a particular individual is from a Transactional Analysis perspective a decision that is made in our Adult ego state.

According to the counselingtutor.com website, “The Adult ego state operates in the here and now and rationally processes what we are thinking and feeling, which is based on facts without interference of unconscious contamination.” 

Bob Cook of the Manchester Institute for Psychotherapy observes that the Adult Ego State is more than a computer, concerned only with rationality and logic, like Mr. Spock on the original Star Trek series.

He writes: “…when the person activates their adult ego state he is coming from just a rational position, but that he also has access to feelings, thinking and attitudes. Indeed the person will be part of the ‘here and now’ and experiencing and coming from an integrated adult stance.”

The person in their Adult Ego State is aware of the responses of the Parent Ego State and Child Ego State and will consider them in the decision.

“Falling in love with someone” is hormonal and temporary. The feeling of attraction fades as the hormones fade. 

Loving other people and loving a particular individual are a decision that we make. 

As far as loving other people are concerned, our Adult Ego State concludes that loving them is the best way to live, noting that our Parent and Child Ego States agree. 

As far as loving a particular individual is concerned, our Adult Ego State checks with our Little Professor, our intuition, the part of us that is most in touch with our brain’s response to the individual. 

The Adult Ego State gets this feedback from the Little Professor. The brain liked them instantly and sensed that their brain liked us. The Little Professor sensed that they have some issues, but these issues do not present a big problem. We can go ahead and like them, knowing it may at times be a bumpy ride. 

Our Parent Ego State finds nothing wrong with them. They meet our Parent Ego States approval. They are someone that our Parent Ego State can nurture. 

Our Child Ego State likes them right away. 

All our Ego States are in agreement. We decide to love them.

What was the point of describing how contrary people can be manipulated? The point was to draw attention to the fact that despite their hardheadedness they are vulnerable people. Other people can take advantage of them and do take advantage of them. They can be victimized but not in ways that they think. The person who in their minds they see as trying to control them is not the person who is going to victimize them. They are more likely to be victimized by other people in their life.

It's Thursday: 'Are We the Baddies?' and More

Are We the Baddies?

"The perception of Christians as the "bad guys" by a growing proportion of our society has come about largely by our own fault. The moral failings of Christian leaders, the hypocricy of many ordinary Christians, and the substitution of politics for the gospel are among the factors that have contributed to this perception. Much of what is good about Christianity is consequently ignored. Christians may be their own worst enemies. What is missing is a serious commitment to modeling our lives on the character, teaching, and example of Jesus.

Oil, Wine, and Bandages
The two Great Commandments, the Golden Rule, the Parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus' acts of kndness, were central to the Christianity of my childhood. I don't know about what passes for Christianity today.

5 Keys to Preventing Church Dropouts
Young people are leaving the local church and not returning when they are older.

Why Church Shouldn’t Just Be on Facebook
There are some good reasons for in-person church. At the same time we should not exaggerate them or twist Scripture into order to get people back in the sanctuary.

Celebrate Facebook’s Outage? Many faith Communities Couldn’t Talk at All.
Facebook meets a need for many churches and religious organizations. We should not be too quick to dismiss Facebook

A Reason to Be Suspicious of Worship Bands
Worshiping God is not something that someone else can do for us. We cannot worship God by proxy. We either must worship God ourselves, not only with our lips but in our lives, or we are not worshiping God at all.

What Are Some Good Video Production And Editing Courses?
Easy Church Tech looks at the opyions for those who cannot go back to school.

Sunday School vs. Small Groups: Why You Must Choose
Sunday School classes are not small groups. The optimal size of a small group is around 5 people. The larger a small group, the weaker the small group dynamics grow. They disappear around 11 people. In a Sunday School class the focus is on learning from a teacher. In a small group the focus is on building each other up in the Christian faith and living the Christian life together. 

Why Do We Do Needlessly Unkind and Hurtful Things to Each Other?

I took a nap late yesterday afternoon and woke up with this thought on my mind, “Why are we needlessly unkind to each other? Why do we needlessly hurt each other?” Some many actions we take are completely unnecessary. There is no need for them. It is as if we get it fixed in our mind that we must do something when in actuality we do not need to do anything at all.

Here are some reasons we may act that way. They are garnered from the literature on the subject, as well as my own experiences as a mental health counselor and a social case worker. As followers of Jesus who desire to model our lives on his character, his teaching, and example, they are things that we will want to know as we seek to follow Jesus in loving other people.

Doing something unkind and hurtful to someone else may also be the way that we learned to express anger. We all have what psychologists call “anger triggers.” They are particular situations that upset us. They occur when someone hits what is a sensitive area in our life. Someone may say or do something that causes emotional pain. We experience sadness and hurt. Our minds and bodies may respond with anger in place of the sadness or hurt, providing us with some relief from the emotional pain. This may happen so quickly that we do not recognize why we are angry. Whatever they said or did struck a nerve.

Anger is called a secondary emotion because we escalate it over what other feelings we may have been experiencing. One of the things that we learn in psychotherapy is to get in touch what we felt before we became angry. Was it sadness? Hurt? Recognizing what we initially felt in the first step in working through the emotional pain that led to the anger.

Anger is not the only secondary emotion. A secondary emotion is one that we experience in place of another emotion that is difficult for us to feel or express. For example, we can experience anxiety as a secondary emotion for anger, disappointment, embarrassment, fear, hurt, jealousy, and sadness

Our feelings are like the layers of an onion. Peel back anger and you may find anxiety beneath. Peel back anxiety you may find fear or some other feeling. Anxiety can turn to frustration and frustration to anger.

We may have difficulty in expressing our anger. We may have learned that any direction expression of anger evoked a negative response from one or both of our parents. Consequently, we learned to express our anger in indirect ways. This may have included being unkind and hurtful in a variety of ways to whoever triggered our anger. We may have hidden a playmate’s toys. Breaking them would have been a direct expression of anger. We may have tattled on them to the teacher or their parents and got them in trouble. We may have refused to play with a playmate when we were angry with them, giving them the cold shoulder.

The parental prohibition that we received against getting angry may be so strong that we do not realize that we are angry. Before we can get in touch with the feelings that may underlie our anger, we may have to get in touch with our anger first.

If we are in the habit of escalating anxiety over anger, our body language will betray our anxiety and our anger. We will act ill at ease around the person at whom we are angry. We may avoid eye contact, turn our body sideways to them, or turn our back on them. We may avoid them altogether.

Anxiety can be stressful because we keep ourselves in a state of fight or flight. We caught between the desire to attack physically the person at whom we are angry and the desire to run away from them. We can relieve this stress by verbally expressing our anger toward them in a safe setting in the presence of a psychotherapist or using what is called the “empty chair” technique. We place two chairs facing each other and sit in one chair and imagine the person with whom we are angry is sitting in the other chair. We then verbalize our anger toward them.

We may bottle up our anger to the point that when we do get angry, our anger is disproportionate to whatever triggered it.

On the other hand, we may have learned to manipulate others with our explosive temper outbursts, intimidating them with the threat of such an outburst if we did not get our way. Our unkind and hurtful treatment of them is intended to keep them under our thumb. We are saying to them, “This is what I can do to you. You had better tow the line.”

Men and women will use their anger to control their spouse or partner, physically and emotionally abusing the spouse or partner. My mother was a victim of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is not confined to the male population. Women engage in domestic violence as well as men. Nor is it confined to heterosexual relationships. Adult children also physically and emotionally abuse ageing parents or relatives.

In some cases, a hormonal imbalance, a neurological problem, or uncontrolled blood sugar levels can lead to someone having anger problems, which result in unkind and hurtful actions.

The influence of friends may be a factor behind why we do unnecessarily unkind and hurtful things. It is a good thing to keep an open mind about how our friends may play a role in our doing unkind and hurtful things and not be defensive about the role that they may play.

It may be that our friends think that we ought to do something, and we are a people-pleaser, so we go along with them to please them. They, however, do not have to suffer the consequences of any action we take. It is easy for them to urge us to take a course of action, which is not a wise one and which will have repercussions for us.

They may have ulterior motives. They may have hidden reasons for encouraging us to do unkind and hurtful things.

Friends may urge someone to do something unkind and hurtful to someone else to act out for them their negative feelings toward that person, a person that they may not know but for one reason or another they do like. The individual in question represents a particular type of person in their mind’s eyes. They have essentially stereotyped that individual, rather than taken the trouble to become acquainted with them. They are engaging in a form of bullying in which they use us to do their bullying for them. They themselves may not have received acceptance in their own lives and the individual in question to them represents the people who have not shown them acceptance.

They may offer their help in doing unkind and hurtful things to this person.

Older people like myself are vulnerable to being treated this way. We are blamed for all kinds of things in which we took no part. We become the victims of stereotyping and prejudice because of our age, our gender, our faith, and other factors.

Our friends may see our relationship with that individual as a threat to their own relationship with us. They may urge us to do unkind and hurtful things to that individual in order to damage our relationship with the individual and to cement our relationship to them.

We need to be honest with ourselves about our friends’ motives for encouraging us to take a particular action. Are they really doing it for our good? Or does what they are urging us to do serve a purpose of their own? We may not want to admit that possibility but our unwillingness to recognize that it is a possibility does not rule it out as a possibility. We simply do not want to recognize it.

As noted in an earlier post people who adopt a particular world view will seek to rationalize and validate that world view by persuading others to adopt their world view. The thinking is that our world view cannot be wrong if a large number of people adopt it. The fact that a large number of people adopt a particular world view is no assurance that it is right. It may simply mean that a large number of people are making the same mistake in thinking.

If someone fires one of our anger triggers and we are in a bad mood, our friends may see our anger with this individual as an opportunity to nudge us in the direction of seeing the world as they do. People who have a particular world view are always on the lookout for people whom they can persuade to see the world, other people, and themselves as they do. They also engage in transactions with other people that reinforce that world view.

For example, people who believe that the world is full of untrustworthy people will gravitate to untrustworthy people. They leave their car windows open and their car key in the ignition. They set up situations which prove to their satisfaction that people cannot be trusted.

Our personal world view and our childhood experiences affect how we relate to other people. Our childhood experiences helped to shape our personal world view. These experiences played a significant role in how we have come to see the world, other people, and our selves.

Let us not kid ourselves. These experiences have an effect on all of us. We may have reacted to them differently, but they do influence us today.

As we seek to love God and to love others; to emulate Jesus’ character and to follow his teaching and example; to avoid doing harm, to do good, and to grow in our love of God and our love of others, we will want to avoid doing needlessly unkind and hurtful things to others, to our fellow human beings, to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We will want to remember that the people who do unkind and hurtful things to us, may have themselves have experienced emotional pain and suffering. Those who may be egging them on may have also experienced such pain and suffering. Jesus forgave those who crucified him. He is our exemplar.

The love that we show to others should not only give expression to warmth and acceptance but also understanding and healing. We live in a world where there is much unkindness and hurtfulness. Jesus came among us not just as a Teacher and a Savior but also as a Healer. He came not only to heal our broken relationship with God, but also our broken relationships with each other.

Why Domestic Abuse Is So Very Evil

There are few churches that have no members who bear painful scars related to domestic abuse. There are few churches where pastors and members are not at times called upon to respond well and wisely to troubling allegations and sorrowful situations. In their book When Home Hurts, Jeremy Pierre and Greg Wilson provide guidance for such times and, as they do so, explain why domestic abuse is so very evil. I, for one, found it very helpful.

“Abuse occurs,” they say, “as a person in a position of greater influence uses his personal capacities to diminish the personal capacities of those under his influence in order to control them.” Physical and spiritual capacities meant to be used to love and build up are used instead to harm and tear down. Thus abuse is identified in two different directions: in the manipulative intent and behavioral forcefulness of the one in a position of influence, and in the diminishing effect on those under his influence. With that in mind, here are five ways in which abuse does particular damage and brings about grievous harm. Read More

5 People You’d Rather Not Pray For … But Really Should

Let’s be honest. There are certain types of people we are conditioned, by our culture, to not like. These are the people that nobody is going to give us credit for liking, the people we tend to distance ourselves from. For good reason. And yet, these are the sinners Christ most likely would have sought out to save, the people we should, at the very least, pray for.

So here is a list of Five People We Should Pray For Even Though We Don’t Want To.... Read More

Southern Baptists Agree to Open Up to Abuse Investigation

It took three weeks of scheduled meetings, at least three law firms, dozens of statements, hours of closed-door briefings, and extensive back-and-forth debates across boardooms, social media, and Zoom calls for the Southern Baptist Convention’s Executive Committee (EC) to agree to the terms of a third-party investigation into its response to abuse. But on Tuesday, it did.

The EC voted 44–31 on in favor of waiving attorney-client privilege in the investigation, after a half dozen members resigned and several switched their position in favor of the waiver. For a moment, it felt like the conclusion of a long and heated process, though the decision is only the start of a long investigative process.

EC chairman Rolland Slade, who oversaw the proceedings, expressed his relief after the tally was announced. Then he remarked, “I want to express sorrow over the conduct we have displayed as Southern Baptists.” utive Committee decision comes after weeks of heated debate and division. Read More

Related Article:
SBC Executive Committee Says Yes to Waiving Attorney-Client Privilege

Image Credit: Baptist Press

All Hallows Evening Prayer for Wednesday Evening (October 6, 2021) Is Now Online

All Hallows Evening Prayer is a service of worship in the evening for all pilgrims on the journey to the heavenly city.

Wednesday evening’s homily took a surprise turn, which was not something that I had planned to address in the homily.

I do not believe that it is fruitful to speculate on what may be secret will of God. What we do know is what God’s ambassador, Jesus, taught. Yes, ambassador is one of Jesus’s roles and titles.

Some things that Jesus taught makes us uncomfortable, but Jesus may have wanted to make us feel uncomfortable because he wanted us to give serious thought to what he was saying.

One of these things is that it is not enough for us to call Jesus Lord. He must indeed be the Lord of our heart and the Lord of our life.

God may have thought that my readers and I needed a reminder.

The Scripture reading for this Wednesday evening’s service is Hebrews 1: 1-4; 25-16 God Has Spoken by His Son.

The homily is titled “Jesus—Teacher, Savior, Lord.”

The link to this Wednesday evening’s service is—

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/2021/10/all-hallows-evening-prayer-for.html

Please feel free to share the link to the service with anyone whom you believe might benefit from the service.

If an ad plays when you open a link to a video in a new tab, click the refresh icon of your browser until the song appears. An ad may follow a song so as soon as the song is finished, close the tab.

Previous services are online at

https://allhallowsmurray.blogspot.com/

May this service be a blessing to you.

Three Big Skills Every Small Church Pastor Needs

Ministry in small towns and rural settings requires a special skill set. The congregations tend to be family-sized with a long history but a shrinking impact. At the same time, the role they occupy in the community is more important than ever, especially throughout the pandemic.

Every small-town or church pastor needs three big skills plus the #1 trap you must avoid in order to be effective.

The years I spent ministering in an isolated Wyoming community showed me the necessity of these skills. More than that, their necessity has been confirmed through my work in Creating a Culture of Renewal® in which we serve small town, bi-vocational, and rural pastors (as well as urban and suburban pastors.) Read More

Related Articles
There Are No Small Churches
Rural Churches and COVID Vaccinations
Post-Covid Focus on Seniors in Small Churches

Image Credit: Mike Dubois/UM News Service

9 Wrong Ways to Read the Bible (And One Better Way)

A Book of Good News

Many of us approach the Bible not as oxygenating, but as suffocating. We see the Bible lying there on the end table. We know we should open it. Sometimes we do. But it is usually with a sense of begrudged duty. Life is demanding enough, we think. Do I really need more demands? Do I have to hear even more instruction telling me how to live?

That’s an understandable feeling. But it is lamentably wrong. And it brings me to the central thing I want to say about the Bible as we think about how real sinners get traction for real change in their lives. The Bible is good news, not a pep talk. News. What is news? It is reporting on something that has happened. The Bible is like the front page of the newspaper, not the advice column. To be sure, the Bible also has plenty of instruction. But the exhortations and commands of Scripture flow out of the Bible’s central message, like ribs flowing out of a spine or sparks from a fire or rules of the house for the kids. Paul said that the Old Testament was written so that “through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope” (Rom. 15:4). He said, “The sacred writings . . . are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus” (2 Tim. 3:15). The Bible is help, not oppression. It is given to buoy us along in life, not drag us down. Our own dark thoughts of God are what cause us to shrink back from opening and yielding to it.

When we yawn over the Bible, that’s like a severe asthmatic yawning over the free offer of a ventilator while gasping for air. Read the Bible asking not mainly whom to imitate and how to live but what it shows us about a God who loves to save and about sinners who need saving. Read More

While I agree for the large part with what Dane C. Ortlund writes, I don't believe that we can claim to be followers of Jesus without studying and emulating his character and studying and following his teaching and example. It is very nature of discipleship. God was in Jesus not only to reconcile us with himself but also to teach us how we should live. Jesus himself makes that claim. As James points out, a faith that is not exhibited in actions is not a vital faith. It is a dead faith. We certainly should immerse ourselves in the story of God's love. At the same time we should also show our love for God by emulating the character of the Son and following his teaching and example. This is something Jesus himself urges us to do. One of the reasons that people are not embracing Christianity in the United States is too many of us who claim to believe in Jesus do not act like we do. We claim to love Jesus but we do not keep his word. There is a hugh gap between what we profess and what we practice.

Youth Group Games: 7 Easy Circle Games

Easy Youth Group Games: 7 Circle Games

Need a couple of easy youth group games to keep in your back pocket? Circle games are by far my favorite because of how easy they are to whip out at a moment’s notice. Many of them require very little to no supplies or set up, they can be played with groups ranging from 10 students to 50 students (and if you have 100 you can split them up into two games and still make it work), and everyone always has a good time.

Here are seven awesome circle games that are easy youth group games… Read More

Image Credit: churchleaders.com

Churches Threaten to Withhold Funds Over Southern Baptist Response to Abuse Inquiry

More leaders and state conventions are putting pressure on the Executive Committee ahead of this week’s meeting.

As controversy escalates surrounding an investigation into mishandlings of sexual abuse by the Southern Baptist Convention’s Executive Committee (EC), pastors and state conventions are calling on the committee to finally vote to waive attorney-client privilege at its upcoming meeting.

In official statements and social media threads, Southern Baptists condemned trustees’ failure to heed the directive of the messengers in the EC’s two previous meetings, and many threatened to withdraw giving or redirect monies.

“Should the Executive Committee fail to comply, we will lead our churches to consider how to reallocate funds away from the Executive Committee while continuing to fund the cooperative mission and education endeavors that have always made Southern Baptists great,” read a statement from South Carolina pastors. Among its signatories were two Executive Committee trustees and a member of the task force overseeing the investigation. Read More

Related Article:
The SBC’s Ronnie Floyd fails his Ezra moment on sexual abuse

Image Credit: Brandon Porter/Baptist Press

Are Our Friends Helping Us to Grow as a Follower of Jesus?

In the Church Leaders article, “4 Types of Bad Friends That Are Bad for Your Marriage,” Ashely Willis makes this point, “We often become like the people we hang out with the most.” In the article Ashely draws attention to how toxic friendships can harm a Christian’s marriage, identifying the kind of friendship behaviors that negatively impact a Christian’s marriage.

As I was thinking about the point Ashely made, I thought to myself that it also holds true in the other areas of our life. The people with whom we associate can be a strong influence upon us. In some cases, it may be a positive influence; in other cases, it may be a negative one. While Christians should have a variety of friends, we need to be aware of how much they are influencing us and in what direction are they influencing us. We need to have open eyes in any relationship.

Some questions which we may need to ask ourselves are—

Are they dismissive of my Christian beliefs and values?

Do they encourage me to question my Christian beliefs and values?

Do they encourage me to think and act in ways that are contrary to my Christian beliefs and values?

Do they think and act in ways that conflict with my Christian beliefs and values?

If we find ourselves answering “yes” to these questions, we may need to scale back the amount of time that we spend with these friends and make more friends who affirm and reinforce our Christian beliefs and values. I am not suggesting that we reject these friends entirely but rather we form relationships with people who share our beliefs and values to counterbalance their influence upon us.

There is nothing wrong with Christians having non-Christian friends. Indeed, they may come to know and love Jesus through our friendship with them. But we need to be aware of negative influences they may be having upon us.

One thing that I have learned is that people who become involved in negative behavior will seek to encourage others to engage in the same negative behavior. It is a way of rationalizing what they are doing, a way of validating that what they are doing is acceptable. The thinking is similar to the thinking behind the hypothesis that there is safety in numbers. What they are doing must be acceptable since there is a lot of people doing it rather than a handful of people. We see this phenomenon on Facebook all of the time.

Peer pressure does not end when we leave high school. We will experience peer pressure throughout our lives. Christians need to not only to be aware of pressure from non-Christian peers, but also of their vulnerability to it. We may believe that we have a strong independent streak and therefore have a low vulnerability to peer pressure. However, we may also be people-pleasers when a particular group or individual is involved, adapting ourselves to the group or individual in order to please them.

Researchers have found that we tend to “mirror” our friends. We copy their attitudes, their behaviors, their choice of words and phrases, and their style of dress. Online we will frequent the same websites, use the same apps, and watch the same videos. On social media like Facebook, we will like and love the same posts and comments they like and love. We will also comment on the same posts and comments. We will take an interest in what they are interested, including family, kin, and friends. We will share photos. We will share inside jokes. These are normal ways for friends to act. They are also ways that friends influence each other.

At the same time, we may not be aware of how much influence our friends exert on us, intentionally or unintentionally.

Our past relationship with parents or parent figures can affect our present relationships with other people. They can also play a key role in our friendship decisions. The influence of what W. Hugh Missildine, M.D., calls our “inner child of the past” on how we relate to other people and to whom we relate cannot be underestimated.

A preteen girl who received little parental affection in early childhood may be overly affectionate with adults, including strangers, and consequently may become a repeated victim of sexual abuse and exploitation. The girl is seeking affection by showing affection.

We often behave toward someone else how we want them to behave toward us. If a friend responds infrequently to our texts, we may react by increasing our texts in hope of a response.

Acceptance and approval are universal human needs. Like the girl’s strong need for affection, they do make us vulnerable. Our vulnerability may differ from hers. For example, we may be vulnerable to psychological and emotional manipulation. Our vulnerability is something of which all Christians need to have more than a passing awareness.

I am not talking about a recent discovery of the social sciences. The Bible contains a number of passages in which we are urged to give thought to the kind of people with whom we associate and their positive or negative influence upon us.

It is important to keep an open mind about how our friends can influence us and not to become defensive about our relationship with them. As Christians we will want to be mindful of who is influencing us, how they are influencing us, and the direction in which they are influencing us. Is it away from Jesus and what Jesus taught and modeled?

For example, Jesus taught us to forgive those who may wrong us. Are they seeing some action that is innocent as a wrong directed against us? Are they encouraging us to retaliate against someone who in their eyes is guilty of wronging us? Are we going along with them because we do not want to lose their acceptance and approval?

Are we of two minds on a matter? Are they trying to sway us in a direction that is not only in conflict with our Christian beliefs and values, but also hurtful to others and to ourselves?

Going to church once a week and hearing a sermon is not enough to counterbalance any negative influence our friends may be having on us. Jesus recognized that we need the support and encouragement of those who share our Christian beliefs and values when he sent his disciples out in pairs to proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God. As well as cultivating friendships with our fellow Christians who are making a genuine effort to emulate Jesus' character and to follow his teaching and example, we need to become a part of a small group of such Christians. 

I am not talking about a Bible class or a Sunday school class but a group of four of five of these Christians who have made a commitment to live the Christian faith and life together. Bible classes and Sunday school classes are too large for the kind of sharing, encouragement, and support that we need as a counterbalance to the negative influences in our lives. We also need an anamchara, a soul friend, someone with whom we can share things which we may not be comfortable sharing with our small group, who will pray for us, and offer us spiritual counsel and guidance.

When we add more positive Christian influences in our life, we not only weaken the negative influences, but we also add more channels of God’s grace which help us to grow a follower of Jesus.

For those whose may be interested in reading Ashely Willis’ article, the link is https://churchleaders.com/outreach-missions/outreach-missions-articles/344774-4-types-of-friends-that-are-bad-for-your-marriage.html