Welcoming Churches

Commentary by Robin G. Jordan

This article was prompted by "Unfriendly Churches," an article posted on All Souls Anglican Missionary Journal and the responses to that article.

"Unfriendliness" is a phenomenon often seen in small churches. This phenomenon, however, is not confined to small churches. It is also seen in middle-sized and larger churches when they are beginning to plateau in size.

"Unfriendliness" does not quite accurately describe this phenomenon that is more inattentiveness to outsiders—first time worship visitors and newcomers—than it is hostility toward them. It certainly perceived as a lack of friendliness on the part of outsiders. Members of the church are likely to perceive themselves as friendly and are surprised when outsiders report them as being unfriendly. They are friendly toward those in the existing membership circle of the church. They talk with each other before and after church services. They call each other on the phone. They visit each other’s homes. Since they are friendly toward one group, they tend to think of themselves as friendly toward everybody. They are not aware that they act differently toward strangers than toward those with whom they are acquainted.

Another dynamic that may account for the "unfriendliness" is that members of the church are satisfied with existing circle of friends and are not interested in making new friends.

A third dynamic that may also account for the standoffishness of church members is that newcomers represent change and therefore are threatening to those who do not welcome change.

Some churches do not emphasize relationships and they attract people who are not relationship-oriented.

In a few churches the culture of the region may play a part: strangers are viewed with suspicion. Anyone who does not belong to one of the families from which the members of the church come is treated as an unwelcome intruder. Some church members may want to welcome the newcomer but hold back from fear of the other members. Where this dynamic is operative, only those who marry into one of these families become new members of the church and then their membership may be probational for a number of years. The exception occurs when one of the church’s patriarchs or matriarchs adopts someone from the outside.

Large churches tend to appear more welcoming because they are intentional in how they respond to "guests". This intentionality may have always been a part of the church’s culture from the start or it may be something that the church acquired at some stage in its life. In all likelihood it is a factor that has helped to contribute to the growth of the church.

How can a church become more open to outsiders and more welcoming? In his preaching and teaching the pastor needs to draw attention to Matthew 25:35, 43: "…I was a stranger and you welcomed me…"; "…I was a stranger and you did not welcome me…". Christ is represented by every first time worship visitor and newcomer to the church. The pastor also need to point attention to Hebrews 13:2, "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Everyone who comes to a meeting of the church, large or small, wherever it may be held, or to the home of a church member, who talks to him at his place of employment, in the grocery store or at the public library, or whom he passes on the street or sees huddled on a doorstep or in an alley is sent by God—an angel, a messenger from God. Church members and regular attenders should be invited to put themselves in the place of outsiders, to walk in their shoes, to see the church through their eyes, and to remember Jesus’ words, "So whatever you wish others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets" (Matthew 7:12 ESV).

Church members and regular attenders can be encouraged to not chat with their friends in the church for at least five minutes after church services but to introduce themselves to those they do not recognize or know and to strike up a conversation. They can be encouraged to introduce newcomers to other church members both before and after church services and to involve newcomers in whatever they are doing. For example, if they are folding service bulletins, they can invite the newcomer to join them and chat with the newcomer as they fold the bulletins together. Having put the newcomer to work, they should not wander off to find something else to do or to talk to a friend. If they are introduced to a newcomer, they should take time to talk with them and to introduce them to other church members and regular attenders. When we take time to talk with someone and especially to listen to them, we are telling them through our actions that they are valuable. Such a welcome is likely to leave a lasting positive impression.

Church members and regular attenders can be recruited to serve as greeters. Some greeters are stationed strategically at different places in and outside the building in which the church meets. They are expected to give a warm welcome to all guests and to give directions to guests if they need directions. There should be additional greeters stationed nearby to escort them to where they want to go if they need that kind of assistance. Other greeters are "free-floating." They have no particular station. Their job is to identify guests, introduce themselves, chat with them, make them feel welcome, and introduce them to church members and regular attenders. Their main goals are to see that guests begin to make friends with church members, regular members, and other guests and they with them, and that guests have as many opportunities as possible to do so.

Church members and regular attenders should be taught that it is not only the responsibility of the greeters to welcome guests. Everyone in the church shares this responsibility.

The church can provide opportunities for newcomers to meet church members and regular attenders and visa versa. Christ Church (Episcopal), Covington, Louisiana, which was at one time my family’s church, has a monthly newcomers luncheon to which new families and individuals are invited. Representatives of the church’s staff, lay leaders, and members are present at these luncheons. St. Michael’s (Episcopal), Mandeville, Louisiana, a church that I helped to plant in the 1980s, organized supper parties in private homes for which church members, regular attenders, and newcomers could sign up. Several parties were held in different homes on the same night. The church determined the guest list for each party to ensure that church members and regular attenders did not gather at one party and newcomers at another. St. Michael’s also organized church family nights that parents could attend with their children. These consisted of a meal, followed by intergenerational recreational activities. Each church family night had a theme. North Cross (United Methodist), Madisonville, Louisiana, a then three-year-old new church plant with whom I sojourned for two years, held a monthly potluck luncheon after the church service on Sundays.

Hope Church (Southern Baptist), Waldheim, Louisiana, a then barely two-year-old new church plant with whom I also sojourned for two years, sponsors a number of activities such as picnics, fish fries, crawfish boils, and barbecues that provide not only opportunities for church members, regular attenders, and newcomers to form relationships with each other but also opportunities for them to form relationships with members of the community. These activities are open to the public. While I was sojourning with Hope Church, a monthly potluck luncheon was held after the church service on Sundays. After Hope purchased a local café and converted it into a worship center, the church used the commercial kitchen to prepare meals not only once a month on Sundays but also weekly on Wednesdays. A meal was served on Wednesday evenings before the Bible talk or other program scheduled for the evening. This meal provided an opportunity for those present to get to know each other better. Hope also organized social gatherings in private homes to which church members, regular attenders, and newcomers were invited for a meal and fellowship. It was also not unusual for church members and regular attenders to invite newcomers to eat lunch with them at a local restaurant after the Sunday church service. On some occasions one might find several groups from the church eating together in the same restaurant.

The Journey Church (Southern Baptist), Murray, Kentucky, a now three-year-old new church plant, with which I have been sojourning for the past two years, is targeted at the students attending Murray State University and young single and married adults and their children living in the community. The average Sunday attendance is 250 or more people, not counting children. As well as having greeters, the Journey Church trains all its volunteers to be open to outsiders and welcoming and to model these attitudes and the behaviors associated with them. The staff themselves set an example for everyone else. Those who come to the Journey Church’s Sunday gatherings are encouraged to be welcoming to each other. They are also encouraged to invite their friends, roommates, fellow workers, neighbors, colleagues, and relatives to these gatherings.

Relationship building goes on primarily in the church’s small groups and ministry teams. There is a concerted effort to move those coming to the Sunday gatherings into the small groups and ministry teams. Everything that the Journey Church does is expected to serve one purpose—making devoted followers of Jesus Christ. If it does not serve that purpose, it is not even given consideration. The result is a lean but sharply focused church.

The small group is not only a primary environment for building relationships but also for forming disciples of Jesus. In this environment those investigating a relationship with Jesus are helped to move from seeker to new believer to mature follower. Some small groups are closed and time-limited; others open and ongoing.

A typical small group meets on a weekday or a weeknight for discussion, fellowship, sharing, prayer, and mutual encouragement. The discussion is usually related to the Bible talk given at the Sunday gathering on the previous Sunday and focuses upon the personal application of the Bible truths and principles examined in the talk.

Starting Point groups offer an introduction to Christianity for those exploring the Christian faith. My own small group, which is open and ongoing, often studies material designed to foster the spiritual growth and leadership development of the individuals and couples in the group.

Small groups are encouraged to be outward looking and become involved in service to the community. Two or more small groups may engage in a joint community service project. They may join with other groups in the community on a project.

Small groups are also encouraged to hold regular social gatherings in which the focus is building relationships. Newcomers to the church and members of the community are invited to the social gatherings of open groups. Last Wednesday my small group gathered to eat pizza, to roast marshmallows, and to sing karaoke. Two or more small groups may sponsor a barbecue, picnic, or outing.

Small groups play a key role in establishing and maintaining a culture of hospitality in the church. Hosting a small group and participating in a small group require opening oneself to strangers—opening one’s dorm room or home in the case of the host and opening one’s life in the case of the participants. In the environment of the small group both host and participants learn not only appreciate the true meaning of hospitality but also to practice what it means.

Small groups also provide accountability. It is hard to give a cold shoulder to strangers when the host and other participants of one's small group are actively working to welcome them and assimilate them into the life of the church.

The welcome and hospitality that a church extends should not be confined to those who come its services and other functions. Christians need to follow the example of their Lord, to move out of their comfort zones, to meet non-Christians and to form friendships with them. They really need to be inviting non-Christians to their homes. This is often much easier for new Christians who still know a number of non-Christians than it is for long-time Christians whose relationship networks consist exclusively of other Christians.

One way a church can help its members and regular attenders meet non-Christians is to sponsor what are called "fishing pond" activities and events. These activities and events bring together Christians and non-Christians around common interests that are not related to religion or spiritual matters. For example, a group from the church might join with groups in the community for an environmental cleanup project.

True hospitality involves self-sacrifice. It involves giving up the time that we might spend with our Christian friends to make new non-Christian friends. It involves taking time to pick up a friend from his or her home and to drive the friend to church, to sit with the friend during the church service, and to take him or her to lunch afterwards. It involves taking a lesser role on one’s ministry team so that a newcomer can take a greater role, decreasing like John the Baptist so that another—Jesus—could increase.

Some churches are mismatched with their communities or localities. They are friendly and hospitable but they experience little, if any growth. For example, a Continuing Anglican church that is High Church in its style of worship and traditionalist Anglo-Catholic in its doctrine is not likely to do very well in a region in which the dominant Christian faith traditions are Low Church or charismatic in worship style and Protestant or evangelical in theology and most of the unchurched in the region come from one of these backgrounds, and where Roman Catholics form a small minority of the population and traditionalist Anglo-Catholics an even tinier group. Under these circumstances such a church might show true hospitality and open its facilities to another church, one that in worship style and theology is better matched to the community or locality. It would be making a sacrifice but that sacrifice would not go unnoticed by God.