When comforting someone, just 'showing up' is the key

During a recent pastoral care visit, I was reminded of the doctrine of "showing up."

As a young pastor, like most preachers and inexperienced pastoral care providers, I was far too concerned about saying just the right thing to hurting people. I babbled on in hospitals, funeral homes and at sick beds. But through training, experience and personal growth, I finally learned the most important part of pastoral care is showing up.

Over the years, on rare occasions, someone has thanked me for what I said when they were hurting. Most of the time, however, gratitude has been expressed not for what was said but for simply being present. As I drove home a few nights ago from extending care to a young couple, I felt inadequate -- wondering if I had said the right things and mentally kicking myself for not saying some other things. The next morning, they texted me, "Thanks for being there with us."

Great reminder! Once again, what was or wasn't said wasn't the point. Showing up, being there, connecting on a personal level with people in pain made the impact. In a techno-dominated world, why is pastoral presence so important?

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