Eight years. It was the longest pastoral tenure in the church’s 73-year history, and it came to a heart-rending end at the hands of a brutal conflict.
There was no bloodshed. No one ended up in jail. But the fruit of this small-town church conflict was no less ugly. A year-long trajectory of growth — in salvations, attendance (average Sunday morning 160), missions support, and finances — came to a sudden end. A year of lost ministry, settling for a poorly qualified candidate, hemorrhaging members, and near bankruptcy followed this event.
How did it come to this? There is no one, simple answer. A retired member of the congregation became frustrated with the pastor’s secular work situation, which the church board had approved. One day, after not finding the pastor at the church, he confronted the pastor’s wife at her place of employment. He shouted and made such hateful accusations that left her in tears.
For the next few weeks the man met with groups of people from the church, attempting to stir trouble. The board advised him to stop or face the consequences. He agreed and apologized to the pastor’s wife but continued with the same behavior. After another meeting with the board and a follow-up letter warning him to stop or face revocation of his membership, he persisted. The board revoked his membership and held a meeting to share the situation with the members.
The man continued to attend church. At the annual business meeting he disparagingly questioned every financial detail. For the next 6 months he groomed an increasingly critical spirit toward the church leadership (pastor and board). The pastor’s wife suffered physically and emotionally under the stress. Finally, when the antagonist began to circulate a petition calling for the return of his membership, a change in the bylaws, and a review of the pastor’s effectiveness, the pastor resigned. He said, “God did not tell me to resign.” He did so to protect his family.
They could have won. They had the votes. But it would have split the church.
Interviewing the pastor and his wife many years after this incident, they highlighted several things that surprised them during the incident:
1) The instigating troublemaker had not been a perennial problem. Though occasionally exhibiting signs of spiritual immaturity, he had not been a vocal or behind-the-scenes antagonist prior to this situation. This man carried considerably more clout with the congregation than the leadership had previously been aware. Also, in the community, the man had a poor reputation. Until the problem, they had not known this.
Fact: Conflict situations may out your closet heathens (aka nominal believers). These people have perfected a double lifestyle — one for church and one for everywhere else. Incognito antagonists are not an anomaly. They often present themselves as the pastor’s greatest supporters. Leaders should not live in paranoia but with fresh discernment. While it would be ideal to investigate and learn the reputations of members outside the walls of the church, it is neither practical nor always possible. We can rely on the Spirit to lead us and open our eyes when we must exercise caution.
2) The presbyter provided little support. (His advice? “Sometimes you have to let them shoot you.”) He also had a serious bias; he had grown up in the church so he backed the antagonist.
Fact: Conflict education and ongoing training are necessities at every level of organization. Poor accountability and unwise or miscommunicated direction opened the door for multiple errors in handling this situation.
3) The greatest amount of support came from non-Christians. Because the family was well established in the small community, people knew them and held them in high regard. People sent cards, visited, and even gave financial gifts. They expressed deep regret at the family’s pending departure and provided much needed encouragement.
Fact: The communities we serve are watching, even if they do not attend our churches. How we conduct our lives in the good times and bad calls for awareness of our position before a watching world. Because conflict is universal, it provides a connection point with people, particularly those who want to see if Christians will conduct themselves with integrity. Read more
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