How Do We Show Kindness?

A key ingredient of loving others is kindness, the quality of being kind. But what does it mean to be kind? Let us start with some dictionary definitions of the word “kind.”

Cambridge Dictionary—generous, helpful, and thoughtful of other people; generous, helpful, and caring about other people.

Collins Dictionary—behaves in a gentle, caring, and helpful way toward other people.

Merriam Webster Dictionary—of a sympathetic or helpful nature; of a forbearing nature; gentle; arising from or characterized by sympathy or forbearance; of a kind to give pleasure or relief; chiefly dialectal, affectionate, loving.

When we are sympathetic, we show a kindly or pleased appreciation. We show sympathy, compassion, friendliness, and sensitivity to others’ emotions. We favorably inclined toward someone or something or approving of that person or thing.

When we are forbearing, we control ourselves when we are provoked. We are patient.

Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries—caring about others; gentle, friendly, and generous.

These four definitions give us a general idea of the qualities that are typically associated with being kind.

Kindness the apostle Paul tells us is one of the fruit that Holy Spirit produces as are several qualities that associated with kindness—patience, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23).

Some examples of kindness are that we reach down an item from a high shelf at the supermarket for someone who cannot reach it. We offer a ride to a colleague who missed their bus. We mow the grass for an older person who does not have a mower. We compliment a friend on their new hair scrunchie. We prepare a covered dish and bringing it to a family who has lost a loved one. We let down gently an acquaintance who expresses a romantic interest in us, telling them that we appreciate that they like us, but we are not interested in a romantic relationship with them.

There are numerous ways that we can show kindness to others, not just to family, relations, and friends but also to strangers, to everyone whom Jesus taught us is our “neighbor.”

While kindness can foster goodwill between us and the person to who we show kindness, we are not kind to them for that purpose. We seek no favor or advantage for ourselves with our kindness. We have an attitude of caring about others and doing acts that help them although we do not get anything by doing these acts. We are not motivated by self-interest. We are willing to do things that bring advantage to them, even if it results in disadvantage for ourselves. We may drive someone home even if they live on the other side of town from us. We may stop what we are doing to help a coworker.

Being kind to others requires a willingness to not always put ourselves first. We give thought to the other person’s situation. The person needs a ride because the town has no taxi or bus service late at night or they have no money. They have no other means of getting home. The coworker has undertaken an unfamiliar task and it has proven too much for them.

When we are kind to others, we do not treat them poorly and show no consideration for their feelings. While those with whom we most often associate may be unkind to others, we do not follow their example. We do not ghost friends in whom we have lost interest, cutting off all communication with them without warning or explanation. We do not try to turn people against someone with whom we are angry or annoyed. We do not spread rumors intended to harm or upset them.

The first two of John Wesley’s three “simple rules” can be helpful in deciding upon kind words and actions. The first rule is to do no harm and to avoid all forms of evil. The second is to do good to all but especially to our fellow Christians. When we genuinely try to live by these principles and not just give lip service to them, they can make a serious difference in our lives. We learn to think about what we are going to say or do before we say or do it. After a while thinking that way becomes second nature. We experience a shift in our attitude as well as a change in our behavior.

Among the conclusions that can be drawn from psychologist’s research into the effects of kindness is that loving others as Jesus taught us to do is good for us. We cannot love others too much. On the other hand, harboring bad feelings toward others can harm us psychologically, emotionally, and physically. In teaching his disciples to love one another as he had loved them, Jesus was on to somethings. It should not, however, come as a surprise, considering who Jesus is.

Kindness psychologists tell us has benefits not only for the person on the receiving end but also for the person on the giving end. We see ourselves in a more positive light and feel better about ourselves. It may also have health benefits for the giver and the recipient. Human beings are social beings and anything that improves the quality of our interactions with each other has a positive effect on us.

Regrettably the reverse is true. Anything that interferes with our interactions with each other has a negative effect on us. It can not only influence our psychological and emotional wellbeing but also our physical health.

I hope that this short article has got you thinking about how you can show more kindness to others. I hope that the article prompts you not only to think about showing more kindness but also to practice it. There is a tremendous need for more kindness in the world today. While we have no control over how others think and behave, we do have control over our own thoughts and behavior. If we would like to see a kinder world, then the best place to start is being kinder ourselves.