Monday, January 03, 2022

The Hardened, Unforgiving Heart


One of the spiritual dangers that we face as Christians, as disciples of Jesus, is that we may make our hearts hard, and we may become unforgiving. By “heart” I am not referring to the organ in our chest that sends blood around our body. I am referring to the core of our self, the place within a person where feelings or emotions are considered to come from. We become severe in our attitude toward others, and we chose not to forgive them. We cease to be kind toward them and to show sympathy toward them. We are no longer willing to accept their failures or their mistakes. We keep blaming them or staying mad at them for something that they have done or which we have imagined them to have done, and we keep punishing them for what they have done, or we have imagined them to have done.

This condition of the heart has serious negative effects for us not only spiritually but also physically, mentally, and emotionally. It can affect our attitude, beliefs, and behavior toward other people. It can affect our relationships with them. It puts stress on our body and our mind. It can do damage or harm to our feelings. We may become restricted in our ability to identify with the feelings of other people, to understand their feelings, and put ourselves in their place. We may become emotionally constricted. Our ability to feel may become limited. We risk becoming unfeeling, not feeling sympathy for other people’s suffering. It can have other bad effects on us.

If we were shown little sympathy as a child, were not shown much understanding and care for our suffering, we may have internalized not only negative attitudes and beliefs about ourselves and others but also negative behaviors toward ourselves and others. When we internalize something, we accept or absorb something so that it becomes a part of our character. When we make our hearts hard and become unforgiving, we may be reenacting with someone else what we ourselves experienced as child, what we internalized. We are repeating an earlier experience from our childhood. In the process we are reinforcing the negative attitudes and beliefs about ourselves and others and strengthening negative patterns of behavior toward ourselves and others. We are allowing the past to control us rather than embracing the new freedom in life that Jesus offers us, freedom from harmful, even destructive attitudes, beliefs, and behavior.

Jesus is not only our Savior, Lord, Teacher, and Friend, he is also the Physician of our souls. The word “Savior” is derived from a word meaning to heal. Jesus is the Healer of our souls.
In his teaching Jesus urges us not only to be kind and sympathetic to others and to forgive them their failures and mistakes but also not to hold anything against them and to became friendly with them again if we have experienced a rupture in our relationship with them and have kept apart. Jesus does not just urge us to take these steps because they are the right thing to do and doing them is pleasing to God but because doing them is the best thing for us as well as them. It is a physician’s advice, “the” Physician’s advice. He knows that holding onto anger and other ill-feelings not only affects our relationship with others, but it is also harmful to our ourselves.

The apostle Paul echoes Jesus’ advice when he writes in his letter to the Ephesians, “If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. Don't give the devil a chance.” (Ephesians 4: 26-27 GNT) If we hang onto ill-feelings toward someone, they can lead to actions that are hurtful not only to them but also to us. We also give the devil a foothold in our lives. The evil one will exploit our ill-feelings toward someone else to hurt us and others. He will encourage us to act out these feelings in ways that harm our relationship with God, harm our relationship with others, and harm ourselves.

God does provide us with a Physician in the person of Jesus and medicine in the form of his grace to heal this condition of our heart. He in the person of the Holy Spirit urges us to take the advice of our souls’ Healer and to make use of the medicine that he provides, his healing grace. God understands us and cares for us like no one else can. God means us nothing but good. We need to trust in his goodwill toward us and let his healing work in us.

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