I watch Psych2Go videos, something which I have mentioned before. One thing I have noticed about the videos is that they are largely about getting from a relationship. If someone is not getting what they want from relationship, they are urged to move on. The videos offer little advice about giving to a relationship except in terms of not getting from a relationship. In this sense they reflect our culture’s emphasis upon self-centeredness.
Jesus, in his teaching and his life, on the other hand, emphasizes giving to a relationship. It is not what we get from a relationship that matters but what we give to the relationship. This may be hard for a generation who is accustomed to getting more than giving. I am not singling out any particular generation. From Boomers on, the focus has been on getting, not giving. The younger generations are only following in the footsteps of their grandparents and their parents.
In its emphasis on being self-centered, our culture encourages people to put themselves first, to only care about their own needs and wants, to not be able to see another’s perspective, and to be uncaring of others. It may go as far as encourage people to lie or manipulate to get their way or make things work out in a way that favors them.
I am not surprised when I encounter people on social media, who express no responsibility for the health, safety, and well-being of others, seeing themselves only responsible for themselves. It is a very self-centered attitude, but it is congruous with the attitudes our culture fosters.
The influence of our culture pervades our life further than we can imagine. The latest Barna Report suggest that its influence deeply pervades the church and may account at least in part for why a large percentage of the self-identified Christians surveyed in its study did not hold a worldview that was consistent with Jesus’ teaching and life.
Previous studies such as the ones conducted jointly by LifeWay Research and Ligonier Ministries suggest that local churches are not doing a good job of forming their members as disciples of Jesus.
Following a pastor whose views on politics, the pandemic, and other key issues fit with our own may be a contributing factor. In a growing number of churches politics and conspiracy theories are displacing Jesus’ teaching and pastors and political figures, Jesus, all hidden beneath a veneer of religion. The question is whether they are the cause or consequence of the erosion of beliefs and values embodied in Jesus’ teaching and life. They may be a bit of each.
For these reasons, I believe that we need to make allowances for these self-identified Christians. They are at an early stage of what John Wesley described as a linear process in which we become more and more like Jesus. If they have become stuck, we have a responsibility to help them get moving again. To leave them where they are would not be an act of kindness.
As followers of Jesus, we are our brother’s keeper. We are our sister’s keeper too. We are to do them good and to not do them harm. We are not to allow others to do harm to them if we can prevent it. The same is true for them harming themselves. They may resent what them may see as interference in their lives, meddling in matters that are none of our business. However, the well-being of a brother or sister in Christ is our business. We are to be good to each other and to all people.
As the apostle Peter wrote (I am borrowing language from J. B. Phillip’s translation of Peter’s first letter), we are to live like brothers and sisters, being of one mind and showing each other true love and sympathy. We are to be generous and courteous at all times. We are not to pay back a bad turn with a bad turn nor are we to trade insult for insult. On the contrary we are to pay back with good. As Peter tell us, “This is your calling—to do good and one day to inherit all the goodness of God.” Peter is not only echoing what he heard Jesus teach but he is also drawing on his memories of how Jesus acted.
If we are schoolteacher, teacher’s aide, or children’s ministry worker and we saw a child about to hurt themselves with a sharp object, we would not leave them to injure themselves. If a child banged their head on a hard surface and began to bleed profusely from their nose, we would not turn our back on them. If we caught one child hurting another child, we would not say to ourselves, “It is up to them to protect themselves,” and walk away. We would intervene. It is no different in the case of a brother or sister in Christ.
In de-emphasizing the self, Jesus is countercultural. In stressing love of others, he is stressing giving to a relationship, not getting from it. Loving others is self-denying and self-sacrificing. For example, we give up our time to help a friend or to keep them company, time that we might otherwise use to pursue our own interests. We may get something from what we are doing but getting something from it is not our purpose in doing it. For example, we may feel good about what we have done. Others may give us positive strokes for doing it. Feeling good or getting positive strokes, however, was not our motivation for doing it. They are a bonus for doing it.
In stressing being kindhearted and solicitous toward others, Jesus is also countercultural. He is saying that others matter, not just ourselves. They are important to God as we are.
At this point I think that I need to offer a caution. The people whom we think are stuck may not be stuck but moving slowly in the right direction. We may ourselves be impatient. We may not notice their movement. I do not remember which grandparent said it, but one of my grandparents often said, “There is none so blind as those who will not see.” It is a proverb which, while it does not come from the Bible, has its roots in the Bible. We may not be choosing to see their movement.
We need to remember the words of the apostles Paul:
"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail."
"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail."
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