I decided to save my reflection on lying to last. It was perhaps the most difficult to write.
We are living in a world that is increasingly tolerant of lying. I am not talking about little white lies but great big whoppers. Outdoing each other in telling whoppers may have at one time been a form of entertainment. There was competition in seeing if one could outdo the others in deceiving the credulous, those who show too great a readiness to believe things. Those involved, except for their hapless victims, recognized that they were exaggerating, stretching the truth, or outright lying.
Lying, however, has taken on new dimensions since the advent of the internet and social media. People believe lies and spread them because they want to believe them. They fit with their view of the world, other people, and themselves. They do not want to hear the truth. The truth may conflict with what they have decided to believe. They may be forced to change how they see things.
Why do people lie? People learn to lie in a variety of ways. When they are little, they may observe their parents, grandparents, and other older family members lying and conclude it a normal way to behave. They may learn to lie to avoid parental disapproval and to deflect parental criticism. They may receive conflicting messages from their parents or parent figures. They may be told not to lie and may be punished when caught in a lie but also observe their parents or parent figures doing what they were told not to do. They may learn to lie to avoid embarrassment or loss of self-esteem.
People may grow up with a parental prohibition about talking about “family business,” what goes on in their family, and may learn to lie to avoid disclosing things about their family. Some families have more rigid boundaries than others. In some families there may be a longstanding tradition of pulling the wool over their neighbors’ eyes, tricking or deceiving them and taking advantage of them. The family, if they operate a business, may have a reputation of fleecing their customers and engaging in dishonest practices.
My grandfather whose family was in the greengrocer trade told me stories of competitors who overcharged their customers and put poor quality fruits and vegetables in a customer’s shopping basket concealed beneath a layer of good quality ones. His family’s business was known for its fair prices, honesty, and courteousness. They did not cheat or otherwise ill-treat their customers. They benefited from a good reputation. Thinking about it, my grandfather through his stories may have influenced me more than I realized. I grew up valuing being fair, honest, and courteous.
People may learn to lie to manipulate other people and to get what they want. It becomes a way for them to control people in their environment. They may learn to lie to stir up trouble between other people, to pit them against each other, to prove to themselves that other people are stupid, and they—at least in their own mind—are superior to other people. They may discover that lying helps reduce anxiety.
Having picked up the habit of lying in certain situations, people will carry that habit into adulthood.
Our culture tolerates a degree of lying, that is, telling what are labeled “white lies.” White lies are sometimes described as “trivial or harmless lies,” but they are not entirely trivial or harmless as we shall see. White lies may act as a “social lubricant,” something that prevents or lessens friction or difficulty.
We tell white lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. We tell white lies because we do not know how we should answer someone’s question or whether we should accept their invitation. We tell white lies to avoid what may prove an uncomfortable situation. If we come from an Asian background, we tell white lies to “save face,” to avoid having other people lose respect for ourselves or to avoid humiliating someone. We tell white lies to avoid giving too much information or showing how we really feel. We tell white lies to keep people at a distance and to avoid emotional involvement with them.
When we fall into the habit of frequently telling white lies, our lying can develop into an avoidance behavior pattern, a habitual pattern of behavior by which we avoid what we perceive to be difficult situations, situations which may elicit uncomfortable or upsetting thoughts and feelings in us, thoughts and feelings which we prefer to avoid rather than deal with them. For example, someone might ask us to have dinner them. We may excuse ourselves by saying that we are busy on that particular night. Eating dinner with them might make our relationship with them more complicated. It might lead to an emotional entanglement in which we are not interested or for which we are not prepared.
The more we tell white lies, the larger they are likely to become. They are no longer little white lies; they are large ones. We come to rely too heavily on lying to cope with situations where it would be healthier for us if we managed them in a different way. We also erode our inhibitions against lying. These inhibitions may provide us with guardrails which prevent us causing harm to ourselves and to others with our lying.
Lying entails a measure of self-deception. We deceive ourselves into believing what we are doing is harmless or the harm we might cause to ourselves and others is outweighed by the benefits to us. We discount the likelihood our lying will do harm, the extent of the harm, and the seriousness of the harm. We come up with all kinds of rationalizations for telling a particular lie.
We may become so accustomed to telling lies, we may tell them without thinking. It is our first impulse.
Lies can be harmful to us and others in a number of ways. We can lose the trust and respect of others. We may gossip about someone behind their back. Out of anger and resentment toward them, we may play fast and loose with the truth. We may be seeking sympathy or validation for ourselves, but in the process we may hurt their reputation. If and when the truth comes to light, our own reputation may suffer. Others may lose confidence in us. They may no longer believe that they can rely on what we say.
When we begin to lie, we may be forced to keep lying to prevent others from discovering the truth. With each lie we are building a house of cards which at any moment may come tumbling down, hurting us and hurting others.
Now it is very possible that we may ourselves believe what we have been telling others. We may have misinterpreted someone else’s words or actions. We may have allowed our feelings to color our judgment. We may have chosen at an unconscious level to misinterpret someone else’s words or actions to avoid feelings of guilt or shame associated with the part we may have played in a matter. Those from whom we have sought sympathy or validation may not know that. They may simply think that we have been lying to them. This may affect our relationship with them.
The Bible takes a dim view of lying and liars. The Bible recognizes the power of words that “are false, empty, deceptive, or even just spoken in ignorance” to do harm. The Bible contains several passages about making false accusations and not being truthful in giving testimony in court. The Ninth Commandment, a prohibition against telling lies, is one of the Ten Commandments.
In ancient times punishments for various offenses were quite harsh. A lie could cost a man or a woman an eye, a tooth, a hand, a limb, or their life. The forms of execution were painful and not quick. The condemned might be stoned or burned alive. If it was later discovered that someone had made a false accusation or lied in court, they would receive the same punishment as whoever was punished on their account received. Prophets whose prophecies did not come to pass were condemned as false prophets and put to death.
Jesus in the Gospel of John identifies with the truth. He describes the Holy Spirit as “the Spirit of truth.” He warns the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law who were spreading lies about him that they are not doing God’s work. He reminds them that God does not sanction lying. He points to their attention that the devil is the father of lies. He is the one that takes pleasure in spreading untruths and half truths and causing harm with them. He is the one who is going to prompt us to tell lies, he or one of the fallen angels who serve him, and not the Holy Spirit.
The devil is no friend of humankind. He desires only to cause us harm, cause us to harm ourselves, and cause us to harm others. The devil is not the equal of God. While we may see his influence in the world, God’s grace is far greater.
As C. S. Lewis draws to his readers’ attention in The Screwtape Letters, we either deny the existence of the spiritual forces which oppose God, or we take a morbid interest in them. Either way they are delighted. They benefit from our denial and our morbid interest. Jesus did not deny their existence. He had an encounter with the devil in the wilderness. He broke the power of the devil on the cross.
As disciples of Jesus, we are held to a higher standard than the world’s. As we emulate Jesus’s teaching and example and grow in his likeness, as the image of God is restored in us, we leave world’s standard behind us and lean into what Jesus taught and exemplified. It means to be honest with ourselves and others. It means to be truthful and forthright.
When disciples of Jesus spread lies, believing that they are true, we are not exonerated from doing harm to others out of ignorance. We have a responsibility to ascertain the truth of what we hear or read. We cannot simply believe something because it is what we want to believe. Our belief will not make it true. We are accountable for the harm that we do when we spread untruths and half-truths.
Jesus taught us to love others. When we spread lies and do harm to others, we are not loving them as Jesus taught us. We are not treating them as we would wish to be treated. We are not being imitators of God as his dearly loved children, those whom God treasures. Imitators of God learn all they can about his character and imitate his character. They imitate his truthfulness and his trustworthiness as well as his love, his compassion, his mercy, his kindness, his patience, and his readiness to forgive.
When we fall into the habit of frequently telling white lies, our lying can develop into an avoidance behavior pattern, a habitual pattern of behavior by which we avoid what we perceive to be difficult situations, situations which may elicit uncomfortable or upsetting thoughts and feelings in us, thoughts and feelings which we prefer to avoid rather than deal with them. For example, someone might ask us to have dinner them. We may excuse ourselves by saying that we are busy on that particular night. Eating dinner with them might make our relationship with them more complicated. It might lead to an emotional entanglement in which we are not interested or for which we are not prepared.
The more we tell white lies, the larger they are likely to become. They are no longer little white lies; they are large ones. We come to rely too heavily on lying to cope with situations where it would be healthier for us if we managed them in a different way. We also erode our inhibitions against lying. These inhibitions may provide us with guardrails which prevent us causing harm to ourselves and to others with our lying.
Lying entails a measure of self-deception. We deceive ourselves into believing what we are doing is harmless or the harm we might cause to ourselves and others is outweighed by the benefits to us. We discount the likelihood our lying will do harm, the extent of the harm, and the seriousness of the harm. We come up with all kinds of rationalizations for telling a particular lie.
We may become so accustomed to telling lies, we may tell them without thinking. It is our first impulse.
Lies can be harmful to us and others in a number of ways. We can lose the trust and respect of others. We may gossip about someone behind their back. Out of anger and resentment toward them, we may play fast and loose with the truth. We may be seeking sympathy or validation for ourselves, but in the process we may hurt their reputation. If and when the truth comes to light, our own reputation may suffer. Others may lose confidence in us. They may no longer believe that they can rely on what we say.
When we begin to lie, we may be forced to keep lying to prevent others from discovering the truth. With each lie we are building a house of cards which at any moment may come tumbling down, hurting us and hurting others.
Now it is very possible that we may ourselves believe what we have been telling others. We may have misinterpreted someone else’s words or actions. We may have allowed our feelings to color our judgment. We may have chosen at an unconscious level to misinterpret someone else’s words or actions to avoid feelings of guilt or shame associated with the part we may have played in a matter. Those from whom we have sought sympathy or validation may not know that. They may simply think that we have been lying to them. This may affect our relationship with them.
The Bible takes a dim view of lying and liars. The Bible recognizes the power of words that “are false, empty, deceptive, or even just spoken in ignorance” to do harm. The Bible contains several passages about making false accusations and not being truthful in giving testimony in court. The Ninth Commandment, a prohibition against telling lies, is one of the Ten Commandments.
In ancient times punishments for various offenses were quite harsh. A lie could cost a man or a woman an eye, a tooth, a hand, a limb, or their life. The forms of execution were painful and not quick. The condemned might be stoned or burned alive. If it was later discovered that someone had made a false accusation or lied in court, they would receive the same punishment as whoever was punished on their account received. Prophets whose prophecies did not come to pass were condemned as false prophets and put to death.
Jesus in the Gospel of John identifies with the truth. He describes the Holy Spirit as “the Spirit of truth.” He warns the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law who were spreading lies about him that they are not doing God’s work. He reminds them that God does not sanction lying. He points to their attention that the devil is the father of lies. He is the one that takes pleasure in spreading untruths and half truths and causing harm with them. He is the one who is going to prompt us to tell lies, he or one of the fallen angels who serve him, and not the Holy Spirit.
The devil is no friend of humankind. He desires only to cause us harm, cause us to harm ourselves, and cause us to harm others. The devil is not the equal of God. While we may see his influence in the world, God’s grace is far greater.
As C. S. Lewis draws to his readers’ attention in The Screwtape Letters, we either deny the existence of the spiritual forces which oppose God, or we take a morbid interest in them. Either way they are delighted. They benefit from our denial and our morbid interest. Jesus did not deny their existence. He had an encounter with the devil in the wilderness. He broke the power of the devil on the cross.
As disciples of Jesus, we are held to a higher standard than the world’s. As we emulate Jesus’s teaching and example and grow in his likeness, as the image of God is restored in us, we leave world’s standard behind us and lean into what Jesus taught and exemplified. It means to be honest with ourselves and others. It means to be truthful and forthright.
When disciples of Jesus spread lies, believing that they are true, we are not exonerated from doing harm to others out of ignorance. We have a responsibility to ascertain the truth of what we hear or read. We cannot simply believe something because it is what we want to believe. Our belief will not make it true. We are accountable for the harm that we do when we spread untruths and half-truths.
Jesus taught us to love others. When we spread lies and do harm to others, we are not loving them as Jesus taught us. We are not treating them as we would wish to be treated. We are not being imitators of God as his dearly loved children, those whom God treasures. Imitators of God learn all they can about his character and imitate his character. They imitate his truthfulness and his trustworthiness as well as his love, his compassion, his mercy, his kindness, his patience, and his readiness to forgive.
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