By Robin G. Jordan
How do we love someone who is no longer friendly toward us? My question is not whether we should love them. For a follower of Jesus loving them is a given. But how do we go about it? How do we keep from making things worse? What do we do make things right between us? I struggle with these questions. I fear that I may do more harm than good out of my desire to set things to right.
Jesus tells us that when something comes between someone and ourselves, we should do all we can to make things right again with them. We should make every effort to mend a wounded relationship. We should not be satisfied to leave things as they are. Rather we should seek to be reconciled with those from whom we have become alienated.
Jesus is very clear that anger and resentment on our part can be harmful to us, not only emotionally and relationally but also spiritually. Anger and resentment on the part of the individual from whom we have become estranged can be harmful to them in the same way.
Here are some answers that I have come up with. They may not be the best answers, but I believe that they will do until I come up with better ones.
1. Pray for the individual from whom we have become alienated. Talk to God about what has happened and our concerns for that individual.
Don’t ask God to “fix" them. God is not going to do it.
We can ask God to move them to have a change of heart but that is about it. While we are at it, we might ask God to remove any hardness from our own heart.
2. Pray for God’s healing grace for them and ourselves, for God’s loving influence to work in their hearts and minds and in our own.
Ask God to enable them and us to see each other through God’s eyes. We may be hurting but they may be hurting too.
Ask God to calm any anxiety and to lift any depression, to take away any bitter feelings and resentment, to remove any fear; to fill them and us to overflowing with his love and compassion.
3. Pray for ourselves. Ask God for guidance, wisdom, and discernment. Pray that God will use us as an instrument of his grace.
4. See within the individual from whom we have become estranged a red-faced baby, screaming at the top of its lungs, cold, wet, and hungry—may be with a broken arm or some other injury, a baby whom we must love, tend, and care for. Loving others means loving their inner child of the past as well as who they are today.
5. Love them unconditionally. No strings attached. This may be the hardest thing to do. Things may not go the way that we hope that they will.
6. Let go of any anger and resentment. Stop thinking any negative thoughts about them that feed feelings of anger and resentment. Forgive them.
7. Listen to them if they are open to talking with us. Reflect back what they have said to ensure that we understand what they are saying. Don’t look at our phone or do anything to suggest that we are not listening to them.
8. Work toward clearing up any misunderstandings and reducing any tensions between them and ourselves.
9. Keep an eye on how we act around them, our non-verbal behavior, our body language, as well as give thought to what we say and its possible consequences. Do not be in a rush to say something. This may also be hard.
We may react to non-verbal cues from them without realizing it. They may avoid us, walk away from us, and turn their backs on us. They may turn their bodies away from us, not face us, avoid eye contact, act nervous, and sound angry. This may trigger our own anxiety which may interfere with our thinking. We may develop a case of the stupids and say the wrong thing.
10. Treat them with the kindness, generosity, and friendliness.
11. Tell our brothers and sisters in Christ what we have learned from our experiences so they may benefit from what we have learned. Share with them any other relevant knowledge that we have gained. It is one way of helping to build each other up in the Christian faith and way of life.
12. Trust in God’s goodness toward us. God is not out to hurt us. God dearly loves and treasures us.
One last thought—keep on loving them with all the love that God has given us.
How do we love someone who is no longer friendly toward us? My question is not whether we should love them. For a follower of Jesus loving them is a given. But how do we go about it? How do we keep from making things worse? What do we do make things right between us? I struggle with these questions. I fear that I may do more harm than good out of my desire to set things to right.
Jesus tells us that when something comes between someone and ourselves, we should do all we can to make things right again with them. We should make every effort to mend a wounded relationship. We should not be satisfied to leave things as they are. Rather we should seek to be reconciled with those from whom we have become alienated.
Jesus is very clear that anger and resentment on our part can be harmful to us, not only emotionally and relationally but also spiritually. Anger and resentment on the part of the individual from whom we have become estranged can be harmful to them in the same way.
Here are some answers that I have come up with. They may not be the best answers, but I believe that they will do until I come up with better ones.
1. Pray for the individual from whom we have become alienated. Talk to God about what has happened and our concerns for that individual.
Don’t ask God to “fix" them. God is not going to do it.
We can ask God to move them to have a change of heart but that is about it. While we are at it, we might ask God to remove any hardness from our own heart.
2. Pray for God’s healing grace for them and ourselves, for God’s loving influence to work in their hearts and minds and in our own.
Ask God to enable them and us to see each other through God’s eyes. We may be hurting but they may be hurting too.
Ask God to calm any anxiety and to lift any depression, to take away any bitter feelings and resentment, to remove any fear; to fill them and us to overflowing with his love and compassion.
3. Pray for ourselves. Ask God for guidance, wisdom, and discernment. Pray that God will use us as an instrument of his grace.
4. See within the individual from whom we have become estranged a red-faced baby, screaming at the top of its lungs, cold, wet, and hungry—may be with a broken arm or some other injury, a baby whom we must love, tend, and care for. Loving others means loving their inner child of the past as well as who they are today.
5. Love them unconditionally. No strings attached. This may be the hardest thing to do. Things may not go the way that we hope that they will.
6. Let go of any anger and resentment. Stop thinking any negative thoughts about them that feed feelings of anger and resentment. Forgive them.
7. Listen to them if they are open to talking with us. Reflect back what they have said to ensure that we understand what they are saying. Don’t look at our phone or do anything to suggest that we are not listening to them.
8. Work toward clearing up any misunderstandings and reducing any tensions between them and ourselves.
9. Keep an eye on how we act around them, our non-verbal behavior, our body language, as well as give thought to what we say and its possible consequences. Do not be in a rush to say something. This may also be hard.
We may react to non-verbal cues from them without realizing it. They may avoid us, walk away from us, and turn their backs on us. They may turn their bodies away from us, not face us, avoid eye contact, act nervous, and sound angry. This may trigger our own anxiety which may interfere with our thinking. We may develop a case of the stupids and say the wrong thing.
10. Treat them with the kindness, generosity, and friendliness.
11. Tell our brothers and sisters in Christ what we have learned from our experiences so they may benefit from what we have learned. Share with them any other relevant knowledge that we have gained. It is one way of helping to build each other up in the Christian faith and way of life.
12. Trust in God’s goodness toward us. God is not out to hurt us. God dearly loves and treasures us.
One last thought—keep on loving them with all the love that God has given us.
No comments:
Post a Comment