Five Tips on Handling Angry People

I have observed that worship leaders, pastors, and church planters, live in a constant state of being either angry, depressed or delusional, perhaps because we are often handling angry people.

One might say, “I am neither angry nor depressed.”

Delusional: “An idiosyncratic belief or impression that is not in accordance with a generally accepted reality.” (Wordreference.com)

Ministry is hard. Handling angry people is hard. Dealing with our own emotions is hard.

A passionate, emotional pastor planting a church with opinionated people is bound to encounter a conflict or two … per hour.

The conflicts are not the problem. The responses usually are.

Harsh words in the midst of conflict are like weeds in an untended garden. They crop up everywhere until they finally take over and choke out any fruitful conversation. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. Sinful people blame-shift. Read More

One of the things that I learned as a social worker from the staff of a children's psychiatric unit is that anger and rage are cyclic. The best time to intervene is when the anger/rage cycle is at low ebb, when the patient has exhausted his anger and rage. Children and adults who are out of control will go very rapidly through the anger/rage cycle. They will keep feeding their anger and rage. They may require restraint and sedation. 

When dealing with an angry person, listening to them is important. During that time they may exhaust their anger and become more rational. One will also gain a better idea of how the angry person is feeding their anger and whether they may present a danger to themselves or to others. It is not a good idea to respond to what the angry person is saying when their anger is at its height. The best time to respond to them is when their anger is at low ebb and they may be open to hearing what one is going to say. Even then one should exercise care in what one says . 

In some cases an angry person may use anger and outbursts of rage to manipulate other people. They have learned to use anger to intimidate other people and to control them. For this reason it is useful to know the history of the angry person. They may have poor impulse control and a low frustration tolerance. They may have learned to respond with anger and rage to situations that in other people may elicit feelings of anxiety or fear. They may have a history of physical violence in which case one will need to protect oneself and anyone else against whom they may direct their anger. In such cases it may be necessary to involve law enforcement and for them to suffer the negative consequences of their anger and rage outbursts.